LIFE'S LOST AND FOUND

Mary, did you know...?

2011-12-03T15:48:00.002-05:00

Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

The blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dead will live again.
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb.

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding is The Great I AM.

Rascal Flatts at CMAS:

...a sobering reality hits home...

2011-03-27T16:03:00.009-04:00

one of the many wonderful perks about living in an international-city environment, is the exposure to people from all over the world. i wouldn't have singled that out as a reason for moving back to this area 6 years ago, but i've been deeply blessed to have my worldview expanded and educated by the individuals i've encountered who initially seem so foreign to me.

with that said, we have some very close friends who we met through our church four years ago, who opened their home (6 weeks ago) to two foreign exchange students who have come to America to learn English. it was, and is, an exciting undertaking and it has proven to be an adventure for everybody involved!

the students are actually two Muslim teenagers from Saudi Arabia who we had the privilege of meeting over dinner at our friend's house last week.

if you know these friends of ours (and you may!), you would be aware that they are driven from a mission-based desire to share the Gospel, to intentionally open their lives and home with others for the purpose of sharing Christ with others. so you can imagine the interesting conversations that have transpired with their two young foreign exchange students.

have i mentioned how kind, gracious, sweet and friendly these teenagers are?
we walked into the house and despite only 3 months of English exposure, they attempted to have an hour long conversation with us and we were astonished by their English! and you can only imagine the sorts of questions my husband attempted to have them answer. it was enlightening and amazing. two kids from across the globe having dinner with us, discuss the intricacies of the Muslim religion and traditions, how they skype with their parents 3 times a day, how the religious unrest impacts their lives, how they want to learn English, and of course, their thoughts on America in general and opinions about our past and current Presidents. :)

they helped isaac with his new puzzles, blocked him from accidentally falling off the couch, watched Veggie Tales with him and took up residence in our hearts, as well as our friend's home.

as you're probably aware, the epi-center of the Muslim religion is located in their country. as the nerve center of this massive world-wide religion, Christianity is not tolerated. Christianity, from what has been personally relayed is in direct opposition to what they believe is true and is punishable by death. i was fascinated that all of us could sit around a living room and openly discuss these opposing beliefs, wholeheartedly associate with one religion or the other, and find a way to peacefully live under one roof. without fear...

the conversations have progressed and grown lengthier and more transparent. our friends have opened the Bible to them, shown them the story of Christ, explained redemptive salvation and answered the questions they may have. these teens are equally engaged in having the conversations and it's been a real blessing to watch this story unfold.

i have been secretly hopeful and prayerful to see them convert...optimistic that they would recognize peace vs war, Truth vs lies, confident hope vs uncertainty. we've checked in with our friends, we've seen the teens on more than one occasion and we've all been excited about this situation.

our friends came over last night and updated us on a new conversation that unfolded this past week.
the boys confessed that their acceptance of Christianity, if they ever were to truly consider it, would mean certain death for them.
these sweet boys would face being disowned and forsaken by their families...the families with whom they video-conference multiple times a day.
they would have a target on their heads and undoubtedly be martyred within three days of returning home this summer and confessing Christianity.
for some reason...i had forgotten, momentarily, about the earthly price they would pay to accept the Bible's invitation to salvation. my heart sank. i choked back tears. i looked at my husband, "i think this is the first time i've known somebody personally who would have to suffer bodily death as a penance for accepting what i'm privileged to embrace freely in America."

it's haunted me for two days now.
they're teenagers from wealthy Saudi families who are being afforded the opportunity to travel and expand their education and who now recognize the tragic social implications of following God and His Word.

how does the same, perfect God make it so straight-forward and painless for me to accept salvation...and yet permit such seemingly insurmountable circumstances into the lives of those in this situation who choose the same thing?
with the set of options they have to choose from, i can't even imagine the mental anguish and difficult process they can possibly face.

yet, history is full of people who have chosen Christ over their next breath.

to lose everything, even life itself, for the sake of salvation. it's a black and white fact of life for them. no exceptions.

stop for a second and imagine whatever your set of circumstances may be. the convictions you hold. the beliefs you have that bolster your way of life. the very core of who you are.
...and then imagine having to die for it.

would it hold up under that kind of weight?
do you believe in it so much that you would trade your life for it?
...or would it fall by the wayside because it was not something that could be conformed to fit within the limited and sinful and fallen constraints of this world?

what exactly is it that you worship? we all worship something...
some of us worship our position as mothers, our ability to travel, maybe we worship our ease of life, or being in an upper-income society. worship is simply a descriptor for the behavior we exhibit toward whatever it is that takes the most residence in our hearts. what is top priority in your heart? will it undergird you through the valleys of life? ...and will it carry you past the day you die and into all of eternity?

i am so humbled by the ease i experience when choosing Christ. i am moved beyond words to befriend those who do not ever have the hope of sharing in the same ease.

I Timothy 3:10-12
"You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life,
my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, my persecutions and sufferings that happened to me...
Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Jesus Christ will be persecuted."

Matthew 16:26
"For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his life...?"

i shouldn't be so shocked by this since it's written everywhere in Scripture that Christians will suffer persecution.
it's just by sheer grace and blessing that American Christians have not, yet...

i pray i find myself unable to deny my faith...even in the face of certain death.

and i pray for the persecuted church all around the world, even now, having full confidence that every death will produce eternal glory...
**********************

"You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death..."
-- C.S. Lewis

"momentous, enduring, significant work..."

2010-10-22T07:06:00.003-04:00

wow.
hi!

i'm not sure why i've been up since 445am, but i was lying in bed with many thoughts swirling around my mind.

it's been almost a year since i've shared anything personal in this little corner of the internet and this morning probably won't be the day that i start up again. what i want to say about God's workings in my life over the last year would take alot of time and space -- a worthy project, without a doubt -- but for another early morning.

despite all of the events that have woven the days of the past year of our lives together -- i've been truly learning how to train up my child, sharpening my tools as a parent and exploring new ways to make my home a place of peace and organization.

interestingly enough, lately, i've often been asked, "so...what do you do? you stay...home? do you work...?" instinctively, i used to recoil at the innocent question mostly based on some insecurities i have about leaving the world of suits and heels and cubicles and politics in order to be a homemaker. though i boldly decided to be a stay at home and be a mother and wife, and have never regretted the decision -- the shocked looks and inquisitive nature of others caused me to sub-consciously devalue my role in this family and in this city.

through a blog that i currently follow, i was reminded that there is no need to justify my standing in this temporal world to anybody. there was no need for a defensive spirit within my heart.
i am really only accountable to Christ alone -- and it's ok, because though changing diapers and doing dishes seems mundane, i am creating a Home. a Haven. and there is little to be found in this fleeting life that compares with what exists inside the four walls of my house. it is priceless work (for which i don't have much time!) to lay a Biblical foundation for Isaac, doing my best to ensure he understands that his life's value will (hopefully!) never be about education, credentials, popularity, accolades, or any vain, insufficient, and wholly unworthy causes of this world. as a mother in a city full of type-A personalities (me!), that's a tall order, but i embrace it as my life's calling and responsibility.

and in that -- i find freedom from Satan's accusations that i am irrelevant...

as Carolyn Mahaney writes below, I am shaping my child to be an eternal tool for God's glory alone, and that is momentous, enduring, significant work...

her moving blog entry is pasted below...and i need tissues each time i read it:

Nicole was nine, Kristin eight, and Janelle four when we first moved
into our home on a cold February day in 1986. Chad wasn’t even born
yet. Today, a sunny one in June, twenty-two years later, I’m boxing up
(and sometimes throwing out) two decades worth of memories.

Of the more than 8000 days I spent in this home, there were a few
dramatic ones: the day I announced to CJ that “surprise, you’re going
to be a father again!” or the day Kristin fainted and we had to call
the ambulance, or when Mike serenaded Janelle outside her window at
6am, or when Nicole returned from the hospital after life-saving
surgery.

But most of my days looked pretty much the same.

I got out of bed each morning so that I could do everything I did the
day before.
I washed the dishes so they could be dirtied again.
I ironed the clothes so they could be worn and wrinkled again
I wiped noses so they could run again.
I picked up toys so they could be played with again.
I mopped the floor so mud could be tracked on it again.
I cooked meals so that I could go to the grocery store again.
I made beds so they could be slept in again.

Some days I wondered: if I do all I do, only to have it undone, am I
really doing anything?

Today, as I pack up my home in June of 2008, I can see the answer more
clearly than I did in February 1986. Each of my daughters is married
to a wonderful, godly man, Chad will be a sophomore in high school
this fall, and we’ll welcome our seventh grandchild at the end of
August.

I realize that all of the mundane, repetitive days were actually full
of significant, enduring work. A home was being built. A family was
being knit together. Four souls were being shaped for eternity.

This home has spawned three more homes where the same tedious yet
momentous work goes on day in and day out. And God willing, many more
homes will one day be built, day by day, so “that in everything they
may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior” (Titus 2:9).

...still learning that life only has One Absolute

2010-01-08T12:56:00.004-05:00

Well, today I found myself,
After searching all these years,
And the man that I saw,
He wasn't at all who I'd thought he'd be.

I was lost when You found me here,
And I was broken beyond repair,
Then You came along and
You sang your song over me.

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time,
In my life.

Make a promise to me now,
Reassure my heart somehow,
That the love that I feel,
Is so much more real than anything.

I've a feeling in my soul,
And I pray that I'm not wrong,
That the life I have now,
It is only the beginning.

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time

It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time

I wasn't looking for something that was more,
Than what I had yesterday,
Then You came to me,
Then You gave to me,
Life and a love that I've never known,
That I've never felt before.

It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
...in my life.

--Third Day

hiatus

2009-11-18T14:32:00.003-05:00

hi⋅a⋅tus –noun, plural -tus⋅es, -tus.

1.	a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc.

:::::

well, if it ain't already evident, i no longer have time to blog.

or energy.
or both.

life's been building up for a while.
and yesterday was a reminder that you can only cut a pie into so many slices.
i am not made of magic.
i am just as shocked by this revelation as you are.

so until i can walk on water, again, and guarantee...you know...that yesterday will never repeat itself, i will be taking a blogging hiatus.

time is precious.
life is short.
health is a precarious thing around these parts.
personal relationships are paramount.

...and all things of lesser value will have to wait.

and if you start to miss me too much, call me.
it's hard to remember, but i'm pretty sure that's how it worked back in the 90's...

one day we'll be back, new and improved...
with much love,
the morgans

what a week...!

2009-11-05T12:42:00.006-05:00

before i dump a bunch of photos onto the internet, i should update you all on the health situations.

it's been quite a week. no bon bons and ellen over here this year. oh, no. it's been back to back appointments, tests, appointments, visitors, costumes, and more appointments.

the rheumatoid specialist diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and put me on a bunch of meds to hopefully regulate my pain. he was a very wonderful doctor and i liked him alot. he validated, listened, explained and made a plan. can't all doctors just follow suit??!

that was friday.
friday afternoon, 4 of chad's friends from california came to town and the chaos began! it was truly a joy to see them and we had back to back festivities lined up, including capitol tours, city bus tours, dinners out...the works! quite a nice diversion, honestly.

did i mention HALLOWEEN??? :)
the guests enjoyed a fun night out on king street while we took isaac to our old neighborhood on the Hill for some fun. he was none too interested in the people (actually a bit scared), though he thoroughly enjoyed running up and down the sidewalks...alls well that ends well. i never want to see a dorothy OR scarecrow costume again for as long as i live! :)

they left on monday afternoon, and i packed my bags for my prescribed sleep study overnight at a sleep clinic.
needless to say, i failed.
the rheumatoid specialist said sleep is a huge issue with people with fibromyalgia (FM), so he wanted to confirm it. i had no idea but apparently there are 4 levels of sleep...4 being the deepest, most restorative sleep. i never made it out of level 2 the entire night. who knew.

then again, can you imagine sleeping with all these cords? and this wasn't even HALF of them!

i was sent home packin' at 5am. i wouldn't recommend the experience to anybody. avoid it if at all possible! :)

and tuesday did not let up.
i had a full cervical and lumbar MRI at the hospital that morning, at which point, i promptly fell asleep during the procedure, despite the hard cold plastic i was laying on, and the headgear you have to wear to block out the loud sounds. go figure!

(did i mention chad left town for three days on tuesday? let's just call it The Perfect Storm.)

highlight of the day? VOTING! the polls seemed quite deserted when i went to cast my vote, so it was quick and painless -- and the results were exciting and fulfilling. two thumbs up for Virginia!!! GO MCDONNELL!!!!

we continued the chaos on wednesday with a chevy chase appointment for an EMG. people. words cannot describe the torture that 2 hour rollercoaster was. the first hour involved electrical volts being directed at every nerve from the neck down. the second hour involved needles being shoved into major muscle groups, like...oh...calf, thigh, forearm...and then places that seem impossible, like the top of your foot, your ankle, and fingers. i'm not being dramatic when i asked him if i could leave early. i half sat up on the table and declared the test DONE. sadly, i lost...and succumbed to the full hour of chinese torture.

and that brings us to today! we had a fun morning at isaac's coop playschool, but too bad he's got a pedi appt at 3pm given he was up all night crying for some unknown reason. i mean, really.

daaaadddddyyyy, please come home STAT!!!!

and then tomorrow, we conclude this oh so glorious week with oral surgery (extractions, bone grafts, etc) at 230pm.
but not before i have a photoshoot in the morning, while isaac tags along with chad at 7am for a doctors appt since CHAD is sick as well. when both parents are down for the count -- WHO TAKES CARE OF US??? :)

i anticipate a less than awesome weekend, for sure.
but such is life right now and somehow we've crawled through it and can only pray next week will be a bit more smooth and seamless.

oh, and in case you're wondering -- no results are in from any of the mentioned tests. i will receive the full reports next week. which is fine. one thing at a time...

if you're getting the impression that i'm exhausted, you are correct.

so that essentially brings you up to speed on our previous 6 days. or was it 6 years...? truly the longest week of my life. how grateful i am for everybody who's stepped up to help out and take isaac off my hands during these most vulnerable and helpless moments. despite it all, i am blessed...

the.
end.

10:30 AM

2009-10-30T09:14:00.003-04:00

well then.
i had an appt with the rheumatoid specialist on Nov 9th.
then it got bumped up to Nov 5th.
then it got bumped up to 1030am today.

i could not be more thankful, as my mind AND body need answers...

update forthcoming!

in the meantime, enjoy some matchy-matchiness. ;)

thank you Nickerson Studios!!!!!
(wedding photography partners and best friends!)

...not what i expected...

2009-10-29T09:20:00.006-04:00

i haven't laid in bed consumed by utter anxiety in a long time.
i finally gave up, 2 nights ago, at midnight and came downstairs to get in a more comfortable position, and do some reading.
and praying.
and more reading.
and journaling.
and praying...
and a bit of crying...sure.

my symptoms over the last 48+ hours have progressed so quickly, the onset confusing me and scaring me.
the numb/tingling/heaviness in my extremities.
the tingling burning pain in my face.
the unbelievably uncomfortable pains i have as i try to fall asleep...
it's as though my body feels it has the flu, bad, except i dont....
everything aches.

for some reason, all i kept hearing was the Johns Hopkins specialist telling me i have a 50% chance of one day being diagnosed with MS.
i was all but convinced this is it...this is my slow decline into MS....

my neurologist took me in for a same-day appt.
she's very sweet, i like this neurologist alot.
the other two treated me like a stupid child with too much time on her hands.
one prescribed me an anti-depressant and told me i "suffer from too much anxiety."
(duh, idiot. have you ever dealt with this level of chronic pain?! IT MAKES YOU ANXIOUS!)

the other one (as many of you may recall), told me i have an inability to articulate my pain, rolled his eyes, and told me to go home and "think hard about what you really want to say." oh and his prescribed muscle relaxants that would knock a horse over. no thanks.

so this woman is sweet and understanding and actually lets me TALK...and whaddya know...she actually LISTENS as well.

AND fortunately, at the last minute, a friend persuaded me to leave isaac with her.
that was certainly a gift, because i sat in the waiting room at the Neurologist's office for 30 minutes and IN her office for another 30+ minutes. isaac would have all but destroyed the place, and distracted my already frenzied mind...

all that said, i dissolved into tears the second i sat down, pretty much.
i told her about some new symptoms i'm having and i fully expected her to refer me to have more testing done for MS.

but she smiled when i even referenced MS.
"when you leave here, allison, never think of MS again. put it out of your head. your symptoms don't line up and neither does your brain MRI...this isn't MS."

rather, she sat back after jotting tons of notes and asks, "have you ever been to a rheumatologist?" i was half relieved to hear her dismiss MS, but half exhausted by the notion of annnnother string of specialists, and another litany of tests....

i told her no...no rheumatologists here.

she said what i have sounds alot like fibromyalgia, another nerve/muscle condition...which is far preferable to MS, in my mind. though...i hear it's painful...but yeah, that makes sense since i'm in pain.

pain...check.

of course she ordered a few more MRIs, just because that's sorta her job to get a good picture of the spinal cord to check for additional nerve conditions -- though she's reluctant since she doesn't believe it'll show anything abnormal. (don't tell my insurance company...)

and then she said i should get a: Electromyography & Nerve Conduction Study (EMG).
if any of you have ever had that, please tell me what to expect.
she said it's rather painful, as they stick a ton of needles into your muscles and use electricity to see how they respond. that just doesn't sound too pleasant. i've been a bit slow to schedule that one into my social calendar...

all to say...i'm rather unnerved by it all.

let's be honest, i could show up at the rheumatologist and have them diagnose me with something TOTALLY different. but i'm sure we'll get to bottom of this eventually.

yes, a diagnosis of fibromyalgia is not really preferable.
but, it's a diagnosis.
a diagnosis that has evaded me for roughly a decade.
so i welcome the conclusion of this mystery.
and regardless of anything they say -- i'm still riding on a cloud over the MS being ruled out. (praying my additional MRIs are conclusive to this end, as well...)

and while any rheumatoid condition is a drag...it's not fatal.
until you've sat awake all night wondering if you are dying, it may be hard to see why i appreciate a diagnosis like this...
the worst possible ideas were floating across my mind and i'd think of chad..and think of isaac...and think of them having to take care of me for life...and well, it was unbearable.

so for now (and for always! regardless...) i will choose to be thankful.
i am thankful to my VERY close proximity to wonderful doctors.
i am thankful i have an otherwise healthy family.
i am thankful i get to stay home and that my pursuit of treatment/tests isn't complicated by a work schedule...
i am thankful that my biggest concerns are for isaac and who will watch over him during all of these appts and treatments and tests.

and if that's my biggest concern at this point - i am a very blessed girl.

Proverbs 27:1 -- Do not boast in tomorrow, for we do not know what a day may bring...

2 Corinthians 10:23 -- Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort...

2 Corinthians 12:9 -- But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Psalms 23: 6 -- Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

4th Neurologist Appt...

2009-10-28T11:18:00.002-04:00

please just pray for me if you think of it...

i've been to 3 different neurologists, each one gave me a different diagnosis.
this is a follow-up appt with one of those 3 neurologists.

it seems symptoms have taken a turn and yes, i am scared.
...though, i'm certain isaac will provide some levity to the situation at hand, since he'll be in attendance as well. sweet.

will update soon....
much appreciated.

a little comic relief...

2009-10-27T12:44:00.006-04:00

wow, thank you all for your comments, emails and stories...
my last two posts were on the 'heavy' side...but it seems that many of you appreciate that from time to time, and i'm thankful for this online community!

(part 2 coming soon on the vaccine info...)

let's shift gears for a while and talk about my little scarecrow.
he's none too pleased with the hat that is tightly bound to his huge noggin, but that's ok. i'm simply relieved it somewhat fits! he's got the biggest head in town, so i was nervous ordering his costume online, for fear it would squeeze his melon to death!

:: melon still in tact ::

emily from our playgroup decided to host a fun little halloween party and i'm so thankful she did! it was alot of fun seeing the kids dressed up and grabbing a few fun photos!

break for lunch! :)

isaac's costume is meant to look like it's falling apart...but we're trying to be careful when he wears it while eating, since it would never survive one cycle in the washing machine. it really is falling apart!

we look forward to wearing a couple more times this week...though i'm sure you're not as excited to see the same kid, in the same costume, countless more times...

it's nice to have a good excuse to get together with friends, taking lots of photos...and EAT yummy food. here's to Fall 2009!

aborted fetal cells in vaccines. there. i said it.

2009-10-24T10:31:00.005-04:00

i could detail my entire week's work tracking down the seasonal flu shot and the H1N1 vaccine for my child.

first it started with finding out isaac didn't make the final cut at the pediatrician's office for the few remaining seasonal flu shots. so that was a wild-goose chase. mama was not happy.

then i did some reading and given i wasn't fully informed, decided to forgo the H1N1 vaccine for isaac because i felt weird giving him his first flu shot EVER on the same day he'd be receiving his H1N1 shot...that seemed to be a bit much...though i had the chance, after waiting in line for over an hour. (long story. not interested in rehashing it. hoping my etch-a-sketch brain will just...delete it.)

so our whole family is still H1N1-free.

and if i'm honest, i'm ok with that.
something about the H1N1 vaccine doesn't sit well with me -- however i am very aware that i have withheld a valid layer of defense from my child's immune system. and i hate that as well. he's around kids every day, and wide open to being blindsided by a disease that has taken the lives of over 1000 people, now, in the US.
1 in 1000 die from H1N1. and so i feel torn...
he was a preemie. he contracted bronchiolitis in Feb. his lungs are not as strong as most...

if i read one more article about it -- my head may combust.
and so i will let it rest for now.
no further H1N1 article will be dissected this weekend.

however, can i just say that as i was researching the flu vaccine, H1N1, the CDC website, articles written by doctors, and everything else under the sun...i discovered one of the most disturbing things i may have ever read.

and i did ALOT MORE reading about this subject i'm about to tell you about, because i wanted to make sure it wasn't some hyped up conspiracy...or a right-wing crazy lie. and i can assure you, the more i read, the more horrified i became.

do you realize that 20 vaccines CURRENTLY on the market by big name pharm companies (MERCK), contain the cell-lines from aborted babies?

please click on the chart below, and look under the column "Fetal Cell Line".....
Jill Stanek provided it for me:

of those 20 vaccines, i find two of them to be of heightened interest, particularly in the articles i've been reading.

The Chickpox and MMR vaccines both contain fetal cell lines from aborted babies.

i am not making this up.
even the Roman Catholic Church recognizes it and there are a million websites on how Catholic children can be vaccinated despite the steep moral delimma they face as avid pro-lifers...

A recent report from the Pontifical Academy for Life at the Vatican encourages pharmaceutical companies to seek alternatives to the development of vaccines linked with human fetuses, given the Catholic Church’s objections to cooperating with abortion. (11) The report also points out that in the absence of an alternative, these vaccines may be utilized “to avoid a serious risk not only for one’s own children but also, and more specifically, for the health conditions of the population as a whole – especially for pregnant women."

even the National Catholic Bioethics Center weighs in.

the more you read, the more you discover that the term "human diploid cell" refers to tissue taken from aborted children. it's all right there. how did i not know this?

a website that has been particularly helpful is a blog of a father who provides all documentation from his research, which is astounding.

His Blog

he has FDA approval letters,
notices of compliance,
research lab paperwork, links and blurbs, such as:

Coriell Research Lab MRC-5 Cell Line

The MRC-5 cell line was developed in September 1966 from lung tissue taken from a 14 week fetus aborted for psychiatric reason from a 27 year old physically healthy woman. The cell morphology is fibroblast-like. The karyotype is 46,XY; normal diploid male. Cumulative population doublings to senescence is 42-48. G6PD isoenzyme is type B.

and quotes:

“In order to sustain 96% of the cells, the live tissue would need to be preserved within 5 minutes of the abortion“ …”Within one the cells would continue to deteriorate, rendering the specimens useless.”

-[Dr. C. Ward Kischer, Embryologist and Emeritus Professor of Anatomy; Specialist in Human Embryology, University of Arizona College of Medicine (Tucson, Arizona) Personal interview 7-02, ALL Conference]

“…50% of the time, the baby would be born alive, but that didn’t stop them. They would just simply open up the abdomen of the baby with no anesthesia, and take out the liver and kidneys.”

-Peter McCullough, The Fetus As Transplant Donor the Scientific, Social, and Ethical Perspectives,” Published 1987

**********

now, i also read much by way of defending these vaccines, as well.
many branches of pro-life denominations agree and understand that these cell lines from aborted babies were obtained 35 years ago and that all of these vaccines use strains of cells from mainly 3 aborted fetuses back in the 1960s. so one could argue that by accepting the vaccine, you are not actively supporting abortion, nor did you suggest or endorse the abortion of those children 3 decades ago. i can see their point as well...

for obvious reasons, it goes without say how horrifically offensive i find this. i just have to assume that most of my readers maintain a moral compass similar to mine and recognize life begins at conception, therefore ALL life, at any stage of development is sacred. let's not split hairs...this is a PRO LIFE family. period.

however, there is a clinical angle as well. research is turning toward the long-term affects of aborted fetus cell-lines being injected into children. specifically the chickenpox and MMR, since they are most associated with autism.

it's been clinically proven that mercury does not lead to autism, despite certain communities working their hardest to draw that connection. however, it does seem indisputable that autism onset occurs roughly around the time children receive these two vaccines.

Life Site News wrote a piece about the "aborted cell lines/autism connection" just this past summer. I found the second paragraph to be alarming:

The NVAC draft report recommends further study of the potential for vaccines to contribute to autism in children who have underlying mitochondrial disease, a worthwhile study given the clinical history of such children developing autism after vaccinations (see Poling case). What the NVAC has overlooked, however, in their recommendations, is that epidemic regressive autism is associated with the switch from using animal cells to produce vaccines to the use of aborted human fetal cells for vaccine production. Now when we vaccinate our children, some vaccines also deliver contaminating aborted human fetal DNA. The safety of this has never been tested.

more:

There is no law that requires that consumers be informed that some vaccines are made using aborted fetal cells and contain residual aborted fetal DNA.

i mean...really?
i'm not a conspiracy theorist, honestly.

(well, unless you consider the whole "Birther" arguement claiming that Obama has not handed over his birth certificate...there's that....)

i can tell you i found all of this information in less than 24 hours.
it's all there for you to read, if you look.

i guess i'm asking if anybody else has ever heard of this?
and yes, i'm actually asking for your input...your thoughts...your ideas...
i've always done my homework on vaccines, and i've always felt apprehension about vaccines just because the media and a "new wave" of parents have gone into a frenzy over it. and i have delayed vaccines, spaced out vaccines and flat out turned down vaccines based on my research and common sense. but overall, i am pro-vaccine...on my own terms.

but i have to admit, this puts a whole new spin on it all.
and i feel angry, to a certain degree, simply because this is conveniently omitted in the books where i deeply respected the authors.

i will have to do more research, but just wanted to hear that i'm not crazy.
or maybe i am.
either way....HELP!!!

OH! and on a final note (for now), and if it's any consolation to people, the H1N1 does not rely on any aborted cell-lines, read more at Life News.

my heart is home.

2009-10-22T23:25:00.004-04:00

it's easy, in life, to take a survey of your present condition and ask, 'why?'
why am i permitted to suffer?
why am i permitted to prosper?
why am i left wanting?
why am i left with excess?

...why?

i am not going to sit here and tell you my life has been a struggle, though certain aspects have been very trying at times. i have had a good life...a wonderful, loving family...a fine education and i have moved on and started a family of my own.

but i have private (or so i think) moments of turmoil.

i can say with confidence that much of my turmoil in life has occurred over the last 4 years, since marriage, frankly. i smile when i write that, because zero of it has to do with marriage! my husband is the greatest on earth, a loving and faithful leader in this partnership. but it does seem as though we have collided with hardship quite often since becoming married and moving to DC.

i have no idea why.
and truthfully, i've never thought much about the divine timing of it all.

i would say i went through some of the darkest days of my life, while we waded through infertility. i am not proud to admit that i asked God questions i would never publicly repeat. i accused God of things i would never verbally express. i am ashamed of the person i warped into during those excruciating 12 months. those months were hard. so. very. hard.

and then a few months after isaac's birth, i spiraled into physical agony that i never really expected could be possible. and it's funny because many people see the side of my life that i make public. i wear a smile and i do all i can to disguise the pain, but facts are ...i suffer from a rather rare nerve condition in my jaw that can easily level my life, completely. one day i'm fine...the next day i have am dragged in to a surgeons office in 2 seconds flat. and then another surgeon. and then another. i actually meet with the HEAD of the trigeminal neuraglia team at Johns Hopkins next month to clarify some things. the #1 hospital in the country for 18 years straight. what i have is called "the suicide disease." and yes, i understand why. you can pray for me.

yes, i have a good life.
but it does carry some scars.
i have wrestled with sovereignty.
with God's ultimate purposes, which seem strange...but holy.
there are dark moments...
i cry and have cried my fair share of tears.

let's get to the point.

chad and i were taking a walk the other night, with isaac, in the stroller.
he was laughing about how "i thought i married Toyota, but facts are, i married GM."
admit it, it's funny. :)
he's very good natured, but i have all but bankrupted this family with medical bills!

and i caught myself saying, "Thank God i married you when i was 25...had we met a few years later, you never would have married me! all my health problems started when i was 27!"

and in my heart, i've always thought that it was God's blessing to preserve my health until i was married. until i had a teammate to help me through it. until somebody could rub my back late at night and tell me i was still going to be ok. to push me through one. more. day...
and all these years i attributed God's timing to the blessing of Chad. "i was sustained, because God know i would never have survived all this on my own...."

and then tonight happened.

i was actually 27 years old when i became a member of Capitol Hill Baptist Church.
i can't even write that sentence without my screen getting blurry as the tears cloud my vision.
while chad is wonderful and the best husband i could ever ask for...that's not what kept me going. it was my church.

and there is no coincidence that we joined CHBC in March a few years back...and got our first fertility diagnosis that May.
there is no coincidence that i received that sad news with the incident of sitting under the best Biblical teaching i could have ever received. that coupling was purposed for me.
it was no coincidence that my most CHALLENGING times, physically, occurred on fridays or mondays at the doctors office...either of which are the closest business days to SUNDAYS, when i was fed Truth, to recharge my heart.

it dawned on me, in God's loving providence, that God reserved my life's MOST challenging experiences for when i would be sitting in a church that has continued to sustain me. i wish there were words for all that i feel for this body of Christ. for these friends. for this unbelievable example of Love and Unity i share with these 600 people. i had no idea church could be like this...

this church isn't a club...or a place where we gather to hang out with people who are JUST like us. where we can find a common bond...or build relationships on human, earthly commonalities.
this isn't a shopping center where we can go and pick up something that serves our purpose.
and this certainly isn't a place where we all gather for an emotional experience that provides warm fuzzies for our egos.
conversely, church for me can be painful at times...and that's ok. it's refining. it's clear. it's sharp. and it takes me from a place of comfort, into a place where i recognize i need something infinitely bigger than myself, or all this world can provide.

i say all of this, because our dear shepherd and tireless pastor, Mark Dever, has been leading our congregation for 15 years! and tonight we held a TOP SECRET surprise celebration for him, which was more meaningful than i even expected.

i'll post a video of it -- which will probably seem boring and pointless -- but i wanted to post it for myself. just because i never want to forget God's provision to me, through this church, and in particular, this man - our pastor.

Mark is, admittedly, larger than life for chad and me.
i first visited this church back in 2001, and for various reasons, decided not to commit to it, though i'll never forget the mark this man left on my life. his words resounded in my heart and there was something undeniable in his messages. i came to my senses years later...and regret not softening my heart to this church, MUCH MUCH sooner...

he came to our church in 1994 and this week, celebrates 15 years with us.
within the last 15 years, he kick-started an intern program that has discipled men and sent them off to start their own churches across the four corners of our world.
and tonight, MANY of them flew back in as a surprise for mark -- and to say it was moving, is an understatement.

mark has sent men out from our church over the last 15 years....6 of which have started churches in foreign countries...and TWENTY of which have started churches in the united states. his legacy is astounding and His love for people is awe-inspiring...
our building may be 200 years old, and our church may seem to function under a rather archaic set of guidelines (from your perspective!), what actually transpires inside the four walls of this church is astounding. our church operates as a very well-oiled machine: a factory for God-honoring and Spirit-led pastors who desire to take the Word around the world..

rather than clinging to the people he's invested the most time into, and rather than transitioning us to multiple services and multiple locations...mark is most pleased to send those people out and have them reproduce healthy churches for the Kingdom. his vision is biblical and his example is so challenging.

and so tonight, we honored mark and his wife, connie.
the six minute video starts off with us waiting for him....SHH!
and then his arrival...!
then ...one by one....the pastors of those 26 churches from all over our globe walked out from behind the stage....(not a dry eye in the house!)
then mark was presented with a book of letters that each intern, and each pastor has written just for him....
and THEN! his wife, connie had re-composed the music for mark's all-time favorite hymn, and had the congregation sing it to him as a surprise....
and finally, a group shot of all the pastors that can trace their origins (and some, even, their salvation!) to mark's ministry to them as their pastor/mentor....

i was literally walking on air, back to my car tonight.

yes, my life can be hard. and yes, we all have our challenges...
but God's timing can never ben questioned and His Word can be trusted.
His mercies are new...every day.
and this church body, along with my pastor, are a perfect example of His mercies exemplified.

i mean this: i am, without question, blessed beyond all measure...
i am utterly humbled that i am among the few throughout all of history, who can call this church my home....

2009-10-21T17:31:00.001-04:00

too.
tired.
morgan.
infirmary.
maybe.
another.
day.

"Dr. Hunkle"

2009-10-17T15:07:00.003-04:00

Dear Anonymous Commenter:

YES! The baaaad NICU nurse's name DOES rhyme with Hunkle. :)

Email me if you wanna know more.

Let's just say we received a personal apology from her.

And let's just also say that looooots of people feel the way we do about her.

Thanks for the comment...

Allison

Fall In Full Swing!

2009-10-16T10:29:00.003-04:00

so i cant go without stating my thanks to wendy! (chad's mom, FYI.)
when we RSVP'd to go to Parker's wedding in NC, we knew we'd need an overnight sitter!
we could have dropped isaac off at my parents, but driving NORTH 3 hours, only to turn around and drive SOUTH for 8+ hours....seemed....well....ugh.

so we asked wendy to fly out to assist us and what a relief that was!

when we got back, chad had to leave for a business trip, but wendy and i entertained ourselves just fine! we did happy hours at Chart House (do you even REALIZE how cheap food/drinks are from 4-630pm there?! SO FUN!) and a leisurely 45 minute drive to Cox Farms!

it would appear that i was more entertained by the cows than isaac. ;)

matching jackets!

wendy tried to forbid me from doing this with isaac on my lap. obviously, i was not to be persuaded. and despite what you can see if his face -- he laughed the entire way down -- TWICE!

isaac's personal encounter with goats who must have tasted SOMETHING on his hands -- because they licked him to death!

BYE BYE!!!!

a tuckered out little boy accepted his free pumpkin and promptly celebrated by taking a nap all the way home!

and this VIDEO is a montage of this morning.
sadly, it's been raining for 3 days. and we're a little stir crazy, demonstrated by isaac's stern conversation with me 1/3rd the way through... :)

MOM! this is for you! enjoy!!!!
have a great weekend everybody!

Parker & Thomas Get Married!!!

2009-10-15T08:41:00.006-04:00

so you may remember this engagement party!!!

and you may also remember this heartbreaking day for parker and thomas, as they lost their best friend on his wedding day.

if so (or if not!), you will find the following photos to be incredibly special and heartfelt. the love was thick and the laughter was sweet as they got married on saturday. i've known parker for...oh...5+ years, as her sister is one of my best friends! so to be invited to this grand event was such an honor! words can't really express how beautiful it was! it was a amazingly rich and thoughtful ceremony -- followed by a stunning display of love and happiness at the reception!

her dress was, well.....drop dead gorgeous.

i don't even know how she wore it for as long as she did -- it was sooo heavy!

this smile was unmovable all day!

every bridesmaid was so sweet and excited for her!

lanier, the doting and very attentive maid of honor, was last to get her hair and makeup done, since she was so busy running circles around everybody else! musta felt nice to sit down for a split second to get all pretty! (actually, she was very antsy to sit down, she didn't want to miss a second of anything!)

let's just say that i didn't pick the best spot to sit in the sanctuary. both sides of the aisle faced each other, so i got all confused and wanted to be close to the front of the church. but...then i realized i should have chosen to be close to the aisle. then i realized my camera is INCREDIBLY loud in ceremonies where there's only wood and plaster. whew...those acoustics killed any chance of getting a better shot than this. i didn't want to interrupt!

can you imagine walking down those stairs?!

talk to me about these arrangements.
just talk to me.
talk to me about how INSANELY GORGEOUS they are!
holy crap.
and to put them into perspective, scale them in size compared to the chairs at the table.

i wouldn't know where to begin with the centerpieces at the serving stations....?
lanier?
would you say, oh....15 feet tall?

words are unnecessary....

their first dance was so fun!

parker with her daddy...

goodbye!!!!!

at any rate -- it was a WONDERFUL night out of town for chad and me. we stayed in raleigh at this super-fun hotel and were up till 3am, talking and eating pizza!

"Tips"....better known as mother of the bride, shared in my joy over pizza! :)

i would gush on and on about this wedding experience, but a snotty 3ft savage is pulling on my sweatpants and screaming his eyeballs out for breakfast. JOY! did i mention we're both sick now? oh yes....

oh, and thanks Google for restoring my photo capabilities...now i can step away from the ledge...

well, then.

2009-10-14T09:59:00.005-04:00

so i've been banned from posting photos.
unless, of course, i spend money to purchase more storage.

HAR.

so now what.

guess i'll desperately whip out my credit card like a pathetic photo-obsessed-sickly-addicted mother and buy whatever needs to be bought. (after freaking out for 30 minutes frantically looking for my "lost" wallet...since this is the Year of Lost Wallets. whew. found. stroller pockets.)

and now i have to wait 24 hours before my "new storage" is released to me.
good ole Google.

so, since i cannot really make you care about what i'm saying, since it's not illustrated -- i'll just post some recipes. YAY! FOOD! and anything that so much as mentions the words GOAT and CHEESE....is worthy fodder for discussion, IMPO.

********

Broiled Flank Steak with Goat Cheese on Greens
Prep time: 15 minutes Marinate time: 2+ hours
Cook time: 30 minutes

1 1/2 pounds flank steak
1/2 cup olive oil
5 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1/4 cup Italian parsley
2 garlic clove(s), coarsley chopped
1 yellow onion , sliced
5 ounces mixed greens
1/2 cup goat cheese, crumbled
coarse salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste

[1] Blend oil, vinegar, parsley, and garlic in blender until garlic is chopped; season dressing with salt and pepper. Place steak in a baking dish. Add half of the dressing; turn to coat. Cover and let marinate 2 hours or all day.

[2] Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Toss onion with and 2 tablespoons dressing on baking sheet. Roast until caramelized and tender, stirring occasionally, about 20 minutes; remove from the oven and tent with foil.

[3] Preheat broiler. Broil steak to desired doneness, about 4 minutes per side for medium-rare.

[4] Let steak rest 5 minutes; slice thinly across grain on diagonal. Place greens and onion in large bowl; toss with enough dressing to coat. Mound greens on individual plates, top with steak and sprinkle with goat cheese. Serve, passing remaining dressing.

per serving: 406 calories; 41 grams protein; 24 grams total fat; 1 gram fiber; 9 grams saturated fat; 5 grams carbohydrates; 74 mgs cholesterol; 150 mgs sodium

Buttermilk Mashed Potatoes
Prep and cook time: 30 minutes

4 medium baking potatoes , peeled and cut into 2 inch chunks
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup buttermilk
coarse salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste

per serving: 266 calories; 6 grams protein; 9 grams total fat; 3 grams fiber; 2 grams saturated fat; 42 grams carbohydrates; 24 mgs cholesterol; 45 mgs sodium

ENJOY!
see you on the flip side....

punkin' head...

2009-10-07T08:17:00.004-04:00

so in a last ditch effort to salvage our monday playgroup, one of The Mom Friends suggested we head over to a pumpkin patch! it was gorgeous weather and i am so grateful we did it! i could take isaac daily, since he loved it so much!

of course, i thought getting everything in the car and heading over would be a breeze, but i was running behind, and my tank was on EEEEEEE. so i peeled into a gas station and left isaac screaming in the backseat to put the nozzle in. ok, do ANY of you EVER forget what you're doing while you're doing it? like, your mind is soooo elsewhere and you're thinking about, oh, i dunno....what to make for dinner, the desperately vexing decision of which hardware to install in your banisters (rubbed bronze? antique nickel?), who is babysitting for me or who i'm babysitting for, oh gosh, look at the clock, i'm hella late....!

so right in the middle of my stream of consciousness, i decided a full tank was a waste of time and $12 dollars of gas would suffice and i pulled the nozzle out -- with the lock on.

so yes, gasoline went all over my sweater, shoes, hands, and some splattered in my face.
people, gasoline is greasy! and GROSS! i grew up loving the smell of it, so i was quite surprised to experience this disgusting texture. and yes, i reeked of gasoline for the rest of the day...

i begged the auto repair peeps to let me wash my hands somewhere because ...well... i had this secret fear i was going to spontaneously explode. literally. as though i'd go up in flames if anybody in a mile radius of me lit a match....

needless to say, i was late.
and i missed out on some wagon fun with these kiddos!

meet isaac's friends!
Cardin, Cate, and Luke :)

we bought some fun pumpkins, had a fun communal lunch under the trees, complete with a week's worth of Mom Talk...and wiped alot of noses. :) a very refreshing afternoon, free of dry-wall dust and drills...

and shiloh very thoughtfully brought her camera and took all these photos!
she sent me this one and i love it.
it's rare that i'm in any photographs, since my husband handles my camera like a hot potato and suffice it to say, the photos end up pretty jacked. so thank you SHILOH (and emily, who constantly takes photos, too!) for sending these snapshots!

and of course, isaac's head could blend right in. big and round!

"...ew, mommy...you so stinky..."

best $7 i ever spent....

2009-10-06T09:05:00.002-04:00

so if you've known me for any amount of time -- you recognize my love/hate for cooking.
and it usually stems from the fact that, well...who knows, really.

i love the romantic notion of wearing aprons and having a house that smells of delicious food.

and but the notion never translates into reality.
there's the recipe search.
there's the traveling husband. (never know when we're having dinner together!)
there's the grocery shopping. (second on my list of Leave Favorite Activities, right behind the oral surgeon's office)
there's the actual prep.
and then there's clean up.

i'm sorry, but sushi will always win, when compared to the above.
it's $4 a roll and it's not messy at all and it makes my belly happy.
WHY COOK!?

with that said, i've stumbled across the most amazing website ever.
Relish Meal Planning may be my lifesaver.
every week, they email you with 15 new recipes.
you choose 5 + 1 dessert.
you click, PROCESS....and it sends you the grocery list for those 5 recipes!!!!?

so rather than sitting at my computer for an hour, drudging through dinner recipes and sides, printing them out, and them condensing those recipes into ONE MASTER LIST....this site does it for you.

no more searching for recipes.
no more pulling it all together.
i took my Relish grocery list, ordered the groceries online...and had everything delivered to my house 24 hours later.

did i mention all the recipes line up with whatever season of the year it is?
so this week's included lots of apples and pumpkins! LOVES.

i can't say enough about it.
and yesterday i made the chili recipe/cornbread that i chose...and it was delicious!!!

i highly recommend! it's $7/month.
i think it may save my life.

Final Chapter!

2009-10-05T09:23:00.005-04:00

ok, so this is it.
the last time i'll discuss my california trip.
i feel like this been a long, dragged out discussion and so this is my attempt to close the loop!

to make a really long story short = we had a blast!

despite our smiles, you could say that boarding our first plane with isaac was ....not cool. i guess you have to go through it once, to learn, but boy -- we were idiots.

let's start with the fact that we left the house about an HOUR later than we should have. gleefully unaware of how horrific the morning rush hour is. i should know these things by now - but i'm rusty, and unaccustomed to driving to baltimore at 8am. chad on the other hand should have known. and once we sat for 15 minutes w/o moving -- he recognized his great folly.

so.
cough cough.
we arrived with 45 minutes to spare, which doesn't sound so awful, unless you have to park the car yourself, and get through security with a baby in tow.

a screaming baby.

with that said, chad left me curbside with 3 suitcases, 4 carry-ons, and the stroller with isaac.
how hard could it be? let the carry-ons down, check in the suitcases and breeze through security.

well, it's hard when the weigh your suitcase and it's 54lbs.
4lbs overweight.
i swear, these scales are rigged, man.
SO, at the front of the line, i had to open all three of my suitcases on the sidewalk, and redistribute the weight. isaac had fortunately calmed down and looked quite amused, frankly.

so then.
THEN!
we attempted security alone. i was sweaty, flustered and convinced we were going to miss our flight. we get through and realize that daddy, who has now been gone far longer than is legal, is carrying the bag with ALL the food, bottles, sippies. so sure, i get through security, but am told they will not let him through with all the forbidden goods, if he doesn't have evidence of NEEDING IT. you know. the baby....

so rather than get in line or head to our gate or use the bathroom or feed isaac breakfast or any of THAT, we had to wait at the metal detector for chad to come through.

and wait we did for what felt like 47 lifetimes.

there was no breakfast.
there was no getting a good spot in line.

what i can confirm there WAS, was alot of pit stains and screaming.
chad and i do very little yelling at each other.
i think i can recall 2 times in our marriage where we full-on yelled and they are seared into my brain and i don't even like thinking about it.

well, mama full-on blew a gaskett as we were boarding, people were waiting, my arms were full, my back burning, and my HUSBAND STARED as i was kicking and cussing the stroller to COLLAPSE ALREADY PEOPLE HATE ME OMG I AM NEVER FLYING AGAIN CANT YOU FREAKING HELP ME!???????

he sorta helped.
and hid from me until we were at cruising altitude.

we played alot of musical chairs trying to find hiding spots for our carry-ons.
then we tried this cool "who wants to sit next to baby!" game.
where, well, i sat on the aisle, isaac sat by the window and a bunch of baby paraphernelia was in the center seat, while chad sat across the aisle.

it was our pitiful attempt to get an entire row PLUS one seat to ourselves.
it was brilliant.

i mean, who wants to sit in the MIDDLE SEAT next to a 13 month old....i'd rather fly 6 hours in the bathroom. we thought we had this in the bag. we'd even asked The People if the flight was sold out and there were 7 un-purchased seats...and we were convinced ONE OF THOSE SEATS would be ours for the taking.

i love how you can read people's thoughts as they assess the southwest seating system. they do all their mental calculations. let's face it, we were in the 2nd to LAST ROW. if you've made it that far toward the back of the plane, you must be desperate. but...that desperate? Rug Rat Screaming for 6 Hours Desparate?

apparently some dude WAS?!
"is anybody sitting there?"

Blink. Blink.
i felt like screaming at an even louder decibel than before, "YES, MY LAPTOP IS SITTING HERE THANKYOUVERYMUCH."
instead i felt my face flush and and i may have taken mental notes on all Mother In Law Ideas From This Point Forward.

needless to say, i hung my head low and moved to the center seat, while chad took the aisle...and well....we reshuffled all of our crap all over again.

did i mention i almost drank isaac's entire bottle of Benedryl at some point in the first 10 minutes of flying? or the xanax i had to eat bc i am deathly afraid of flying?

and so, thus began our vacation.
isaac, despite what you are waiting to hear, was an Airborne Dream.
he started crying around Hour #5, when he realized chewing on headrests and eating floor crumbs is old hat and that he was, quite truly trapped. i was glad at that juncture i had spared the benedryl. all in all, he slept for a total of 3 of the 6 hours and in our moments of desperation, the stewardesses did laps with him up and down the aisles!

we were received warmly at the security checkpoint in San Diego, with signs that read ISAAC! and i'm certain, after his 2 hour benedryl haze lifted (my bad on the timing it was administered, big boy), he loved La Jolla. :)

i mean, i love La Jolla.

granted, maybe isaac loves it because got to ride in the lap of luxury. literally. a FORWARD FACING toddler Britax awaited him. he was in Big Boy Heaven! and yes, he came home to an infant carrier, folks. it's a lesson in "all good things must come to an end." we're doing him a favor, really.

isaac's a bit weird with grass.
he eventually got over it, but not without great inspection and suspicion.

he would sit RIIIIIGHT on the edge of the towel. and no further.

these folks took great care of us! toys galore were at our disposal!

he met his great aunt toni for the first time!!!

Grass Alert.

Brave Boy.

i have more photos, but this is going to become quite long-winded if i continue.
isaac slept in till nearly 10am the first morning we were there (HELLO TIME CHANGE) and took to his envirvonment wonderfully. i truly cannot think of anything i would change! besides the obvious mentioned above. isaac charmed just about everybody and flew home asleep in my arms for the first 3 hours of the 5 hour return flight! he probably would have slept longer if we didn't fail greatly at the great Seamless Parental Switcharoo During Nap while standing because i had to use the restroom.

all in all -- it was a very relaxing and enjoyable time and i wish it weren't so darn far away and expensive!!!! because i'd CERTAINLY do it more often if i could!

upHEEEEEEEEEaval.

2009-10-02T07:28:00.002-04:00

so who's idea was this anyway.

it's like that darn vacation. (except...not.)
you book it 6 months in advance and ....oh wow.... without my crystal ball i can't honestly know if that's gonna work into mah agenda.

welcome to construction.
the morning after we landed from CA.
suitcases still packed, subtract three hours time change at 7am when the contractors arrived...
it made for a groovy tuesday morning:

did i mention it was my turn to watch the kids at the playschool/playgroup that isaac is in on tues/thurs? oh man that was a rough morning....

welcome to my bedroom. even the bed was not left undisturbed as it was disassembled and wrapped.

wow, allison, where is your dresser? where is your desk/computer station? where are your night tables? oh wait! where is your mattress and box springs?

ta-DA! in the freaking bathroom! behold the desk next to the shower, the box springs blocking my way to the tub AND the countertops, my computer actually in the tub. (including the only CALENDAR i keep. so i'm running a bit blind this week, as EVERY appt and engagement is on that computer. i am so stupid.)

the king mattress in the hallway (allowing for a one foot tunnel in order to get to isaac's room.) God forbid there's a fire, or you know....an emergency, because i doubt any firemen would be able to wrestle down the mattress to pull him from his crib. oh and the nightstands are in the hallway as well. all linens and bedroom 'extras' are in the guest bathroom -- the bathroom we're supposed to be using. oh and the closet. yes. the closet.

so because of my time-change, early morning shock ...imagine what i did not consider when i bubble wrapped my dresser and blocked all the cabinets in my bathroom. nevermind where we are currently sleeping.

this is what you need to know: if you've been my houseguest ever, since...well....ok, the last 15 months, you deserve some type of medal. join a support group. you're in the club, now. that room is AWFUL. i knew it was unpractical. completely. but i figure, hey! you sleep there! it ain't no problem!

wrong.
if MY FEET hang off the bed...then there is no way you were ever comfortable there.
and there is no place to set your luggage....? what kind of hostess AM I?
one that shortchanges her guests by shoving them in a 9x9 closet and tellin' them to lurv it.

you're all troopers.
now, WHO'S COMIN' for thanksgiving!!!!!?

ok, this weekend is one well-deserved one.
i've earned it.
i'll enjoy it.

i mean, right after that oral surgery i have today.
let's call it ACT 12, Part 32343 of This Here Drama.
i will detail it all for you when i find the words to properly describe Hell.
until then....!!!!

:)

(isaac photos will be hot off the press shortly. the cuteness will paralyze you. you are warned!!)

Audrey & Ben

2009-10-01T09:10:00.008-04:00

well.
while we unpack and find our balance with the contractors tearing it up over here and try to come up for air, i will share some of the photos from the wedding julie and i shot 3ish weeks ago! this will also continue my theme of: beaches and moody clouds make for a day of perfection!!!

i have to admit, this was a fun wedding! everything about it -- the location, the people, the weather, it was certainly a treat! julie and i were made to feel like family immediately...

did i mention that audrey actually wanted to CLIMB this gorgeous tree, in her dress, to get some awesome photographs?! her mother refused to allow it however. but it speaks volumes about how FUN she was!

....and how gorgeous she is....

the house they were getting ready at is RIGHT on the water...and yes, i was giddy when i saw it!

her precious flower girl had flown from Australia to share in Audrey's joy!

while Audrey & Co. were a bit upset by the weather -- is it obvious that i was not???! it was the perfect temperature and with a sky like this, everything just glowed. the lighting was to die for...

like my camera bag in the background? :)
please disregard...

i love this photo...it's so funny!
Ben is so GQ!

and that's enough for now...as i'm receiving more warnings that i'm dangerously close to my PHOTO LIMIT on this website?! how is that even possible?!

Audrey & Ben, it was VERY MUCH our pleasure to share in your Big Day!!! there are so many amazing pictures, it's hard to choose, and that is due to your awesome decision to joyfully get married at the beach and surround yourselves with such great friends and family! (and yes, i didn't even share any of the dancing shots! more to come!)

Thank YOU!

oh, to be a California photographer...

2009-09-30T08:11:00.014-04:00

...and have lush landscapes, cloudless skies, perfect spring weather, beachfront weddings and a fine mix of elegance and cool relaxation...

i pulled my camera out for fun a few times at the GORGEOUS wedding we attended in san diego this past weekend and without even trying...i think i was able to capture the feel of the event. everywhere you look, it's brilliant, beautiful perfection. i mean, PLEASE, it's pretty hard to get a bad shot out west...

chad and i attended Megan & Dan's wedding. chad and megan have been friends since, oh....3rd grade, i believe. actually, megan and her parents threw our engagement party out in chicago, when we were living there and it was SPLENDID. judging from that event, and from every OTHER event they are a part of -- i knew this wedding would go down in the history books.

it was an outdoor 4pm wedding -- and i felt like i was on a movie set....

there was a lemonade stand for the guests to have before the wedding!? such a good idea!

each table assignment card had a handwritten note in it for the guest from megan...such a lovely, personal touch!

i've known megan for a while (not as long as chad!) and i've never, EVER seen her look more beautiful. i longed to do my wedding all over again, when i saw her dress, which had a vintage flare to it -- and her flowers -- and her colors -- and EVERYTHING!

i love that picture of just her face...i was standing in the back waiting for the perfect shot of the couple walking out and was nearly knocked over by the other Big Dog Photographers...and missed everything. fair enough. i hate when people get in my way at weddings i'm shooting! but in the process of nearly falling over - i snapped this in hopes of getting something and her face says it all....

and then there was the reception.....?!
you people in california are CRAZY UNBELIEVABLE.

for all you brides out there -- here's an idea. pick your favorite 'first dance' song...and record a track of our singing it and play it during your first dance. because -- it's a pretty amazing crowd pleaser! :)

the next morning there was this incredible brunch for the out of town guests -- and we were able to chat and catch up with the newlyweds and extended friends and family! fyi -- best orange juice i've ever had...

isn't california amazing?
i have to admit, it was incredibly relaxing despite my husband prying my sweaty little fingers off my laptop and forcing me to leave it behind!!!? maybe i have him to thank....

more to come from my week in california! you've seen nothing yet -- think about it -- not one isaac photo in today's mix...which means this blog is about to vomit baby isaac documentation in the days to come! yum.

(what's this about Blogger informing me i'm almost maxed out on my file storage? then what? no more pics? i have to pay? does anybody know?? this would be the best way for them to push me to expedite the design of my new blog and hightail it outta here...Mr Blogger, please watch yourself.)

have a great wednesday!

silence

2009-09-22T12:53:00.004-04:00

i sit here a bit overwhelmed.
sometimes there is so much on your heart that finding words to express it seems impossible.
so much is stirring inside that...well...withdrawing and sitting in silence is the best way to grieve and to allow yourself to hear exactly what God is whispering.

if you watch the news or read any number of newspapers...or heard this story passed down to you through conversation, you'll know the story i'm about to relay. it's certainly rocked me to the core, caused me to assess my life...ask questions i've never asked and ponder on the Sovereignty of God and His sometimes strange purposes for us and through us, here on earth.

last saturday, julie and i were driving to a wedding we were hired to photograph.
it was an hour away in chesapeake beach and so we had time to chat, laugh, discuss the upcoming details of the wedding and enjoy the change of pace.

my phone vibrated on the dashboard and i heard the most horrific and probably the most tragic story of my life. you know, firsthand. these things seem to happen to 'other' people, but never to somebody personally afflicted with these circumstances.

you may remember the engagement party i went to earlier this year. one of my best friends, lanier, and i flew to NC to be at her sister's engagement party. parker, lanier's sister, and thomas are actually getting married in a few weeks.

anyways, as julie and i were driving to a wedding on saturday, thomas' best friend and groomsman, chris, was actually getting married that same day at 11am in NC.

at 8am that morning, chris, and two of his groomsmen were driving to meet thomas for breakfast before the wedding.

they were sitting at a stop sign and were plowed into by a car running the opposing stop sign. chris was thrown from the car, run over by an oncoming car and killed three hours before his wedding ceremony. chris was taken to a medical center, and the two other groomsmen were taken to the local hospital. they walked out with cuts and bruises, otherwise fine, wondering where their friend chris was. they were told to go to the medical center to receive additional news. upon arriving, they were told that chris had died.

one of the groomsmen had to call a bridesmaid.

a bridesmaid had to tell the bride, already in her wedding gown, prepping for portraits...that three hours shy of becoming a wife...her fiance is dead.

friends from all over had flown in.
and some very wise and loving people put together programs and made it possible for the wedding ceremony to become a memorial service...

the bride spoke about her fiance, in a memorial service, at the same alter and at the same time she was supposed to become a wife.

the whole notion, which does certainly grow worse the longer you have time to let it sink in, is unspeakably horrific and catastrophic and agonizing.

all of the tragedies in my life COMBINED cannot begin to hold a candle to this story.

it seems so unnecessary and extreme and undeserved.

it seems as though every year i grow older, i become more exposed and acquainted with grief of this magnitude and it kindles an ache deep in my heart for Heaven.
i know that one day, all Christians will be reunited.
one day, every tear will be wiped away.
one day, all injustices will be made right. and perfect. and pain will cease to exist.

we were not meant for this world.
our hearts were not created to endure this pain.
this world is not our home...

and chris is Home.
and though the fallout of his passing is inexpressibly agonizing, God reigns over all.

but there is certainly a suspended amount of time where agony lingers...and may linger for the remainder of our time here.
what do you do with it?
how do you face it?
why do the walls that we build so tall and broad around our hearts not stave off the sleepless days and nights of unending sorrow?
we are so weak.
we are but dust...
our mind's justifications are so futile when raw tragedy and it's ramifications crash down upon us and all but suffocate us.

and then the story takes on a new layer.
and we ask ourselves the pressing questions that strip away the trivialities of life...
what if it were me?
or my husband.
or my child.
am i ready for this life on earth to be taken...
am i ready to face God.

what have i left behind?
what would i have left unfinished?
would i be proud of my life's work?
or wait...
would God be proud of my life's work....?

i never knew chris...but could not stop crying.
i'm not sure if it's the wife in me.
or the mother...
chris was an only child.
isaac is my only child.
this bride was in her wedding dress.
i've been in a wedding dress.

the agony for this family simply compounded with each day of this past week ...tidbits of news coming in. the aftershocks. the wedding party. the now childless parents. returning tuxedos. handing out grooms gifts. the obituary.

would i cling to His promises to provide grace, and peace, and know that He causes every moment of every day in our lives to bring glory to His name?

would i hold onto the knowledge of His Sovereignty?
would i value anything above the anchor of my salvation?

having Christ does not offer safety from life's most tragic trials. there is not one of us who is forever safe from being blindsided by a tsunami.

i am deeply rattled.
i witnessed and documented a wedding ceremony unfold before my eyes on saturday, knowing that a bride who set out do to the same in north carolina, would never see her groom again on this side of eternity.

there is no reconciling that with all of our our human compensations combined.
our reasonings cannot compute and only fall short and can never do justice.

it is only reconciled through Christ.
and that is the only magnificent and glorious Truth we have as an answer to the pain envelopes us and causes our fallen hearts to shatter again and again...

i wonder how individuals survive tragic loss of this sort without any sort of bedrock in Scripture. without the knowledge that:

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth...
...the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

and to think, this is simply a vignette of what's to come in this world.
nothing here is eternal. everything here is only here for but a moment.
every year will be clouded by goodbye's of some sort...this is just a reality of life.

of course all of this happened on a rather emotional weekend for me BEFORE i received the news.
our vacation was canceled.
i had a horrific emergency surgery on monday.
then i had a psychotic episode that could rival...i dunno...britney spears.
then i was given sedatives on top of the myriad of nerve medications and narcotics.
and guess what...?
there is no end in sight.
i spent a week in a very dark pit...and was told i'm not certain when i'll ever get out.
there are days of this past week i do not even remember. it's probably best that way.

for obvious reasons, by comparison, this can never hold a candle to the above story -- but simply serves as a reminder that our bodies, our circumstances and even our best set plans will often times fail us.

do not place stock here on earth...
the sooner i embrace this, the less i'll be surprised by the unexpected...
and the more i'll find sweet relief in the Glory that is set before me.

i feel this has been a year of steep lessons for my family.
and i don't want to learn to buck up...or be strong...or float through them.
i pray that i sit in silence more often.
whether forced or chosen.
and hear Him.
and believe Him.

Lord, help my unbelief....

***************
Tis everlasting peace!
Sure as Jehovah's Name;
tis stable as His steadfast throne,
and evermore the same.

The clouds may come and go,
and storms may sweep my sky.
This blood-sealed friendship changes not:
The cross is ever nigh.

My love is oft-times low,
My joy still ebbs and flows,
But peace with Him remains the same,
No change Jehovah knows.

I change, He changes not,
The Christ can never die,
His love, not mine, the resting place,
His Truth, not mine, the tie.

Horatius Bonar
1808

...busy little bee...

2009-09-14T12:48:00.010-04:00

Due Date Birthday...

2009-09-12T10:16:00.005-04:00

well, i know this sounds odd -- but TODAY isaac turns ONE, gestationally. :) ha.

my original due date was sept 12th.
isaac had no regard for that date, however, and decided to Get Out Now on august 1st.

i can't even believe he used to weigh 5lbs.
he now weighs 25lbs.
and needs to start walking immediately, if he plans to gain one more ounce.

i was going through some of his preemie clothes to donate (trusting i never have that experience again) and found a onesie i just could not part with. it's the smallest thing i've ever seen. i look at it and marvel that i can hardly remember him being that tiny.

i know it's probably hard to get a perspective of how small that is....

so i placed it next to a baseball cap. the cap was bigger than the body of my baby...

compared to a DVD.

compared to my blackberry...

i remember him being small...but there were so many more pressing and scary things going on, that by the time i stopped to smell the roses...he had already packed on a few lbs and didn't seem that small any longer...

he should be one today!

i love you, baby!!!
Happy Birthday...again. ;)

2009-09-11T08:21:00.003-04:00

so this week has been full of firsts!
after learning there was an opening in the Coop Playgroup in the neighboring town, we signed isaac up! i was on the fence about it for a wide number of reasons, but have no regrets now that a full week of fun is tucked under our belts!

so for two hours, twice a week -- i bring him to the community center and he has all the fun crawling playspace he could ever want!

i set him down and he's GONE!
it works out nicely because once a week, i am one of the parents that will work the playgroup, as we all take turns, which is comforting.
the other three weeks of the month, i have two free hours, twice a week, to run errands and make the use of the solidarity.

he's incredibly enthralled by all of the new giant toys.

he was laughing and running crazy when i came back to pick him up -- and promptly fell asleep the first minute i put him in the car!

**************
i actually can't even focus as i draft this entry because of the news footage of 9/11 i'm watching right now.

it made me realize that at this very minute, 8 years ago, i was sitting on my college apartment couch before class, reading....and my mother called me....and i didn't move from that couch for at least the following 8 hours. classes were cancelled, airports were shut down, ....and my dad had business meetings across the street from the Pentagon, which was terrifying. i had friends working in the Capitol -- and certainly a number of people i knew in manhattan. i specifically remember that feeling of sheer vulnerability, when you weren't sure WHERE the next plane would fall from the sky....

i remember heading to manhattan to pay my respects at ground zero, in october 2001. i expected it would be like any other "tourist stop" crowded with irreverent and rude people. i have never been so wrong. as we walked the final 3 blocks, approaching the twin towers site, you could hear a pin drop. there were hundreds, if not thousands of people there, but i remember actually hearing birds chirping. not a dry eye. flowers. candles. photos. lingering shock waves. utter silence. not even whispers. just wet eyes and nods. a memorial widely respected by common people of all backgrounds...when we all felt a common bond as Americans.

we watched as bulldozers below were moving dirt around, like little ants in a massive, impossible project. the bent metal.

...knowing you were standing where thousands of people took their last breath.

all for what?!

it rips my heart out all over again.
i can't believe it's been 8 years.
i can't believe 3000+ families have been forced to live their lives without their innocent loved ones...
i can't believe we're still hunting down bin laden.
i can't believe it's so difficult for so many people to understand why we're at war...

i can't believe how proud i am to be an American.

not a fan.

2009-09-10T14:01:00.004-04:00

somebody doesn't like his new winter hat...

his frustration is quite apparent.

yep. it's still there, isaac.

(it gets harder and harder to snap a clear shot of him. granted, i was using a canon point and shoot...but still. he never stops MOVING...)

look at that precious face....
i could squeeze the HECK out of those cheeks...
and sometimes i do...

literally knocked himself over while trying to pull the hat off...

...and he won.

whew.
that was close.

now we have a few months to convince him it's going to be ok...

Labor Day!

2009-09-09T14:18:00.003-04:00

looks like hard word, doesn't it.... ;)

our labor day weekend was utterly heaven for reasons i least expected!
last week was a bit of a blur as i tried to tie up some loose ends, but what's stolen most of my time has been client projects. i really wanted to get two weddings and a family portrait session completed before leaving for vacation...and i'm almost there. (i've already waded through 3000+ images and have 1100 to go!)
chad was nice enough to do isaac-duty a few hours each day so that i could put some serious time into editing and it paid off!!!

needless to say, we were able to spend our evenings in bed watching movies (as i'm sure you're sick of hearing about on facebook! don't worry, our Mad Men splurge is almost over....WHAT WILL I DO?) and then on Labor Day we spent the day with the nickersons/desantis'! it was so fun and isaac adored having a yard to romp around in!

he was thrilled -- isn't it obvious?

we've conluded that isaac cant quite walk independent of a nearby wall or couch or coffee table due to the size of his orb. concur?

it was a nice way to cap off the long weekend!

and now on to more pressing matters -- like -- can i still wear my favorite pair of white pants now that we're on the Fall side of labor day? ;) i'm only half kidding...

totally like, whatever...you know?

2009-09-06T16:25:00.005-04:00

i forgot to post this from july...this summer is totally getting away from me!
before i completely forget altogether -- i will do it now!

on july 12th, i heard one of the most sad descriptions of our current generation that i've heard in a some time, sitting in church listening to the first two minutes of my pastor's sermon.

it's utterly hysterical, all while being devastatingly true.
we all know how UN-politically correct it is to say that you accept there is Absolute Truth. you know...a God. an eternity. sin. condemnation. etc.

please listen to the first 120 seconds of this sermon, Dever's intro is utterly side-splitting. and glaringly honest....

CLICK HERE.
it'll take you to another page, just hit play.
trust me, you won't be sorry!

why are we so totally, like, fearful to speak with authority or whatever...you know?

Harvest Pot Roast

2009-09-04T09:27:00.005-04:00

CORRECTION:
glenna noticed i forgot an ingredient....14oz can of DICED TOMATOES!!! FYI!!! edited below:

so quite a few of you have contacted me, requesting the Pot Roast Recipe!!!

without further delay, i present to you Harvest Pot Roast:

1 large onion, sliced thickly
2 carrots, cut into 1-inch pieces
12 ounces of mushrooms, quartered
4 garlic cloves, minced
14.5 oz can of diced tomatoes, drained (i left alot of juice, didn't fully drain)
1 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons dijon mustard
2 tablespoons worcestershire sauce
1 chuck roast (2.5 - 3lbs), trimmed of all visible fat
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp greshly ground pepper

*******************************

combine the onions, carrots, mushrooms, garlic, and tomatoes in a slow cooker.

in a small bowl, combine the ketchup, mustard, and worcestershire sauce. top the vegetables with half the ketchup mixture.

place the roast over the vegetables and sprinkle with salt and pepper. spread the remaining mixture over the roast. cover and cook on low for 8-9 hours, or until meat is very tender. (i cooked mine for 10.5 hours)

let the meat rest for 10 minutes before slicing.

ENJOY!!!!!

pot roasts and playgroups...

2009-09-03T09:00:00.004-04:00

so my mom laughed at me for snapping some images of my pot roast maiden voyage.

people, i'm 30.
and apparently very naive when it comes to cooking a roast.
and it wasn't even for MY FAMILY!

a few close friends of a previous coworker decided to make dinner for her since she just brought home her brand new baby!

i've spent alot of time 'reconsidering' my go-to chicken recipe that i make for such occasions. i mean, i love chicken! i love comfort food! but i was kinda getting tired of making it and with a brand new cookbook, i figured i should diversify.

last wednesday evening (it's a blur, i could be wrong on the date), after isaac was in bed, i ventured out to the grocery store with a very specific list of ingredients. and i've recently learned to place the meat/fish/eggs/diary in my cart LAST, as it takes me SO GOSH DARN LONG to rummage through the aisles. it's a miracle nothing's gone bad during the three hours it used to sit in my cart as i aimlessly wandered for random ingredients, etc.

well, after filling my cart with ingredients SPECIFIC to the pot roast, i wandered over to the very quiet meat counter and told them that i needed a 3lb chuck roast.

i think i'm still recovering from sticker shock. it's SO EXPENSIVE?!
i would have reconsidered and gone for a less expensive ordeal, but....my cart was full and i had no cookbook on hand to flip through AT the grocery store.

so.
pot roast it is.
and it did NOT disappoint!!!
given it had to sit in the crock pot (does that mean i cheated?) for TEN+ hours, i got to work when i got home, so it would cook all night!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

i would like to assure you that three pounds of meat is....alot.
the above photos were of half of it! we were able to eat roast ourselves for dinner, while sending it off for a friend!
it was to die for....garlic, onions, mushrooms, carrots, etc!
i will happily send you the recipe if you're interested!!!

BUT it reminds me, that once again, sometimes it's CHEAPER and EASIER to eat out! chinese takeout is $17. no cooking. no clean up. no thinking.

pizza is $14 dollars.
but i know -- it's not healthy -- and health is paramount.
...or so we try!

THE CARNAGE:

my kitchen was demolished.
i need to learn to cook more cleanly.

so clap for me.
i did it.
and.....i'd do it again! ....that's saying alot.

moving on.

**********

also, last week, there was our monthly general meeting for M.O.M.S. group. we meet once a month ALL together to go over calendar events, fundraisers, diaper drives, babysitting coop plans, etc. isaac loves it!

there are a million kids, a million toys and unlimited crawling space -- i set him down and he's off! i joined this group back in march and it's been great! we've made many new friends and have shared ideas and weathered this first year of parenthood together -- what a neat venture!

now that i'm on the subject, i'm not quite sure why people ridicule playgroups.
i've overheard, read about and been privy to conversations where people make fun of playgroups and are downright mean in their discussions -- and frankly -- completely wrong.

before you make another snide comment about playgroups, you should probably ask yourself:
have you ever moved to a city where you knew nobody?

have you ever started a job where you knew nobody?

have you left everything familiar, ever, in your life?

are your parents hours from you and your children?

are your siblings, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc, all living in a different state?

do you know what it's like to step out of your comfort zone, without the support of ANY family, and start a family of your own?

can you find it in your heart to be thankful for a vast network of family and life-long friends, rather than critical of the only network somebody else may have?

have you ever had an emergency and left your child with anybody other than family, when necessary? imagine not having that...

playgroups are equally important for me, as the mother, as they are fun for isaac.
to build a circle of friends who understands where you are in life.
to create an urban family that emulates, as much as can be possible, the stability of the normal family that you have at your disposal.
it's the intentional invitation to allow others into your home, your life...and the invitation to offer and give support.

i'm not sure why some people want to tear that down...?
i'm not sure why i constantly hear people making fun of that?
i just have to smile....and walk away.

i just hope it means that you have MUCH to be grateful for -- and that you will recognize that your unfamiliarity with playgroups doesn't justify negative commentary.

and frankly, EVEN IF I DID have extensive family support -- i'd still be immensely thankful for the playgroups! i've thoroughly enjoyed meeting new people (maybe you would too), and having new experiences and giving isaac a well-rounded year with many new friends for him to grow with....

we are also thankful for our 'urban family' at church! they've been a great support to us, as well. seeing those friends 2-3 times a week and being able to rely on them for last-minute sitting needs, nursery/childcare needs, dinners, bible studies, and plain, fun get-togethers has been one of the biggest blessings i've ever experienced.

the last ten years of my life have been the fullest years.
though i don't have the convenience of family, and haven't for over a decade -- my 'family' has expanded immensely.
i have 'family' in illinois (kris+ky!!!), and i have family in DC, and i have family in VA, i have family in MD, i have family in PA....maybe not family by birth....

...but family by choice.

and i feel SO blessed.
and i certainly wouldn't have it any other way....

the healing properties of PASTA!

2009-09-02T12:59:00.003-04:00

since my brain isn't back in the saddle yet after dealing with all of the emotions of this past weekend in conjunction with unpacking suitcases, scurrying to appointments and just getting back to our regular lives, i thought i'd share one of the best pasta dishes i've ever had.

for my birthday, somebody gave me an organic cookbook!

this is a great book because it is very diverse and divided into seasons. aaaand it's very well illustrated. the photographs are gorgeous and will make your mouth water!

last week i decided to pull some recipes from it and i have to tell ya, the Last-of-the-Summer Fettuccine is aaaaaamazing!!!!

so in case you'd like to try it for yourself, here you go!

Last-of-the-Summer Fettuccine:

1 pound fresh fettuccine
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 small red onion, thinly sliced
1/2 red bell pepper, thinly sliced
2 large garlic cloves, minced
1 jalapeño chili pepper, seeded and minced
1/4 cup tequila, optional
2 large tomatoes, seeded and chopped
1/2 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
2 tablespoons fresh oregano, chopped
4 ounces feta cheese, crumbled
1 avocado, halved, pitted, peeled and chopped
salt
freshly ground black pepper

*******

Cook the fettuccine according to the package directions. Drain and transfer to a large bowl.

Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onion and bell pepper and cook for 2 minutes. Add the garlic, chile pepper, and tequila, if using, and cook for 1 minute.

Add the tomatoes, cilantro, and oregano and cook for 3 minutes, or until the tomatoes are soft.

Stir the cheese and avocado into the sauce. Stir and season with salt and black pepper to taste. Add the sauce to the pasta and toss well.

ENJOY!!! i know we certainly did!

traveling mercies...

2009-08-28T12:52:00.004-04:00

remember that time when i decided to be Miss Independent and drive my sassy lil self and my 9 month old all the way from DC to OBX, all by myself?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

and remember when i was starving after 6 hours of driving, and isaac was screaming and it was 234233 degrees outside and we both deserved a break?
and remember when i took him out of the car at Hardee's in the middle of gosh darn nowhereville, so we could have said break...?

and remember how he dropped a Nagasaki blowout while sitting his stroller?
and how Hardee's doesn't have child changing tables?
and how i had to lay him in the only empty booth to strip him down, and watch him fight and roll around in his own diarrhea and have the end result be smeared poo all over Hardee's booth's WHERE PEOPLE ARE EATING?
(serves you right, hardees. bet you've placed an order for a changing table now, HUH).
and how i had diarrhea up to my elbows?
and a purse?
and a diaper bag?
and a naked baby?
and a shart covered stroller?

i can't believe people weren't dry-heaving at the sight.
and remember how i ran to hide in the bathroom to wash my hands and realized...short of PUTTING ISAAC on a roadside, disgusting fast food bathroom floor, i would:
1) not be able to wash my hands.
2) not be able to place him back in his desperate, dripping stroller.
3) not be able to order food and attempt to pay for it with isaac's crap under my fingernails.
4) not be able to ask some other STRANGER to hold my stanking child.
5) not be able to put him in the car, so that i can RUN BACK IN to wash my hands.
6) not be able to wash down the stroller before putting it BACK in my car for the remaining 2 hours of the drive.

remember how i threw his clothes in the trash?
and laid papertowels down in his car seat in case he decided to hit the repeat button.
and remember how i climbed back into my car, and with poop-caked hands, began to cry?

i had some water and some hand sanitizer, and did the best i could -- but -- no amount of alcohol-based sanitizer can cover the stench of this much CRAP.

it was foreshadowing, people -- because that was the week from HELLLLLLLLLLLL.
i was scarred.
isaac apparently had a "virus" and was trying to bust out 4 teeth and just flat out staged a revolt against me.

i say all of this to admit my newfound TREPIDATION when packing up isaac to take him on a roadtrip yesterday.
even if it was only three hours.
even if i can do the drive blindfolded.
even if i feel as though i've rebuilt my confidences, worn trash-worthy clothing for the trip, dressed isaac only in a onesie, and concocted a strategy for all worst case scenarios.

(you'd think i would have re-thought out my driving preferences after that drive from lynchburg to philly, during a blizzard, at 9pm...with a bad alternator. heh. in a t-shirt, no less. coat in the trunk. you know...in a suitcase somewhere. that was fun times on the side of interstate 81...WITH NO CELL PHONE....)

all to say, the drive went well...but we say our prayers now. we double-dip our entire CAR in prayer and yes, try to only drive long distances with daddy along for the ride, too. (he will be joining us tomorrow...because, snap...somebody's gotta pay the bills around here...)

it's been fun to be back home with my baby...though it certainly is a sad reason to make the trek back.

hopefully an evening with my best friend will elevate the mood around here, momentarily...

*****************************************

"huh? no, no. me is rock-solid road trip partner. me luvs talk radio...and taco bell..."

overcast...

2009-08-26T08:56:00.003-04:00

so i could tell you a million funny stories from this week since they've been mulling around in my head for a while.
like how isaac's been 'wait-listed' for a local playgroup. reminder = he's one.
or how we were given isaac's 'eating' diagnosis.
or what it's like to make my first pot roast and why none of you have ever disclosed the price of roast. i stood at the meat counter with my mouth gaping.

but it all feels wholly inappropriate to overlook the fact that my brother and his wife are losing her dad today.

apparently Ron (my sister in law's dad), and his wife, Chris (SIL's mom...) and their 14 year old daughter were all driving back from Florida on Friday and he had to pull over because of a severe headache. then he collapsed on the side of the road, where a state trooper found them and rushed them to the hospital.

the hospital discovered high blood pressure (245/150), which had caused a brain hemorrhage at the worst possible place in his brain -- a place that was inoperable. he is in a coma, on life support, ventilator, the whole nine. they nearly pronounced him dead that night.

saturday seemed to have some hope. his eyelids fluttered and his feet twitched when pricked. we all thought that brain activity was returning but sunday revealed that was not to be the case.
truthfully, blood was pooling in his brain due to swelling due to infection.

disks of his brain scans were rushed to UPenn and Jefferson Hospital in Phil., and all three hospitals confirmed it is hopeless.

my sister in law stood by her father's hospital bed and told her dad goodbye last night.
they will be taking him off life support this afternoon.
Chris will bury her 53 year old husband on monday.

our hearts have been tearing in two for this family -- a family very close to ours. such a heart wrenching loss for all of them.

one day he's fine. and the next day he's gone. and it casts this aching overshadowing that brings you back to the bare bones of life. to all the things that matter in this life and the things that do not.

death is a reminder that our hearts were not programmed for this world.
we were originally created without death in the equation...
and in our loss, we consciously (and unconsciously) seek out understanding that simply points us to the eternal.
...to our only Hope.
...to the One who conquered death.

and yes, it feels shameful that our family spent a day weeping over a test.
a stupid title that will be left behind when death, in turn, greets us.

focus, allison.
focus.

******************************************************************

John 14:1-4
Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Trust in God; trust also in me.
In my Father's house are many rooms;
if it were not so, I would have told you.
I am going there to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come back and take you to be with me
that you also may be where I am...

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain,
for the old order of things has passed away...

Headed South...

2009-08-21T07:21:00.002-04:00

North Carolina or BUST!

what does that saying really mean?
why do i have to go to the DMV at the crack of dawn? :)

upside of losing your wallet? shopping with the one shiny, brand-spankin' new replacement card that just arrived in the mail for you and purchasing the most drop-dead gorgeous crocodile full-frame clutch wallet....

...and maybe another hot patent leather double full frame for swanky nights out...cuz they happen...like...all the time.

...and almost a pair of via spiga ankle boots. but i refrained. and now i have nightmares.

am i the only one haunted by shoes????

****************

thank you everybody for your kind words/emails/texts/phone calls of love.

somebody sent the below quote in response to the CFA test and i really, really loved it:

"It’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."

THEODORE ROOSEVELT
(Paris Sorbonne, 1910)

have a great weekend!
XO

Bad Day, Part II

2009-08-20T09:18:00.002-04:00

so there we were.
it was rounding 4pm, and isaac needed a nap.

from my glider in the nursery, rocking in the dark, chad at the computer desk was within my line of sight.

he must have stared at the computer monitor for twenty minutes.

as i closed the nursery door to head back to talk with him, i realize this day is going far too slowly.

we are both starving, and we have a round of rather depressing phone calls to make. but first the excited emails from one of his CEOs, his assistant, and many emails from best friends/colleagues needed to be answered. he certainly stared at his blackberry for a minute before sending off an email that states, "...not this year." his status at work, fortunately, is not dependent whatsoever on these scores. it doesn't really change his position at work, or help/hurt him at all, which is one of the hugest blessings in this equation. (or maybe it's evidence that he's truly insane.) chad just wants the darn designation...well...for the future. and he's got quite the cheering section from his place of employment and everybody just aches to see him succeed. the outpouring of love and encouraging words were a soothing balm to his heart!

i made the decision to head out for dinner.
the house was too quiet.
we needed a change of scenery.
so when isaac woke up, we packed his diaper bag and headed over to King St with our stroller to window shop, walk around the water, and have dinner.

sadly, the weather was quite reflective of our moods.
it rained cats and dogs during dinner, but since we were having an early dinner, it was a relatively empty restaurant except for another family a few tables away. it didn't go over so well when their three year old came over to say hi to isaac and play with him and the mother urgently raced to her child's side and right before MY VERY EYES in my VERY PRESENCE, scolded her child, "NO NO! you don't touch babies! babies are DIRTY! they have GERMS! DIRTY!"

my eyes must have been the size of saucers. i looked at chad to make sure i heard correctly. she has no idea how much venom could have spewed out of my mouth! NOT TODAY, LADY!

isaac was a gem. dinner was tasty! i was thankful we made the decision to head out...and that top shelf margarita certainly hit the spot. :)

until we wanted to walk back to our car.

i stood under the restaurant awning while waiting for chad to get the car -- it was raining so hard it hurt my skin! he pulled up and i took isaac out of the stroller and he took the stroller and ran to throw it in the trunk and i ran to buckle isaac in.

it wasn't until we got home that i realized i had set my WALLET on top of the stroller.
you know.
the stroller that chad sprinted with, into the street. on a busy street.

more crying was the only appropriate response.
because this occurring ON THIS DAY is the only appropriate timing.
because the ONE REFRESHING aspect of our day must be MARRED by such a horrible thing happening.

we scoured the street, knelt down to check the sewer, asked the restaurant, walked the sidewalks.

it was gone.
my license.
debit cards.
credit cards.
store cards.
health insurance.
cash.

and i spent the final hour before isaac went to bed, calling to cancel every credit card number i could think of. (FYI = it would be smart for all of you to learn from my wretched experience and write down WHAT is in your wallet, the phone numbers to call, and the CARD NUMBERS. in your moment of disbelief, and while somebody else is waltzing around KING STREET with your credit cards, you don't wanna be wasting time GOOGLING customer service numbers.)

((...and do you want to know torture? do you really want to understand true pain? imagine the following morning. your husband leaves the STATE for the day and is on business 4 hours from home. you wander downstairs and realize you are OUT. OF. COFFEE. oh. no big deal, right? you'll walk down the cafe and get a latte. HA. but WAIT! you don't have ANY HOPE of buying ANYTHING because you don't have a WALLET. not even a dollars worth of change in the house. this is when i personally wished to die. the caffeine withdrawal was too consuming....))

(((...thankfully, lanier puchased me coffee on her way to work. i am indebted for life. isaac thanks you, too!!! )))

ok, so you get the point.
it was a pretty bad 24 hour cycle. :)

i so appreciate all of your emails, phone calls, prayers and comments.
if you've known us for a few years, you've probably become accustomed to carrying this burden with us -- and for that we cannot possibly begin to express our gratitude.

we exhaled as we laid in bed that night.

i tried to be positive, "....well....we're not dead...and you know what that means, right?"

he smiled and answered back, "we are not dead. and since that didn't kill us -- it hopefully made us stronger..."

It Is Well....

2009-08-18T21:45:00.004-04:00

i feel like today has been a very long day. very long.

it's another one of those days that reminds you that His ways are higher than our ways.

to cut to the chase, Chad will be taking the CFA again in 2010.

after six agonizing months of preparation and study, chad took the CFA Level III on june 6th.

and then the wait began.

it's a long wait. an odd amount of time, where our entire family is left in suspense as the tests are scored. the relief washes over us because the test is over -- and just enough time goes by for life to recalibrate and summer to ensue.

and then...just when you've begun to forget about the hell that is "study season," the emails start circulating that scores are going to be released soon. and the panic returns. from january to june we are turned upside down. and then in august, we remember it's not over. results arrive. and that was today.

the first half of the day was ...surreal.
i was jittery.
fearful.
peaceful.
anxious.
nauseous.
peaceful.
scared.
nervous.
peaceful...
and the cycle continued until chad walked in the door.

scores are released at 9am, but since chad gives presentations all day, he waits until he gets home to open the email and uncover the results.

when i heard the door open, i nearly threw up.

it was time.

he walked up the stairs and was all smiles.

he had bought me flowers, thanking me for all of my support (if that's what you want to call it. i waiver between undying love and support and utter frustration and exhaustion over this test...). as he held the flowers out for me, they were shaking. his hands were shaking. he was jittery when i went in for a hug to thank him. we were both clammy, despite our best attempts to have small talk about our days.

he also hadn't eaten all day.

it was 3pm.

i asked if he wanted to eat or would rather log in and get it over with.
he chose the latter.

and so the three of us ascended to our bedroom where our main computer is and got down on our knees to completely release whatever was about to transpire over the following 10 minutes to God. it seems like just yesterday when we did this last year.

a string of "God knows best..." and "scores don't matter," and "no matter what happens, we are still blessed," were uttered between the two of us as tears fell.

and as isaac destroyed our bedroom mini-blinds.

normally i sit on his lap as he logs in and together our faces press close to the monitor. i just couldn't do it this year. i remember his legs almost giving way last year, because they were shaking. and frankly, the monitor scares me and it felt safer to watch from across the room, through my fingers...like some horror movie as you anticipate something scary popping out at you.

i leaned against my dresser and felt lightheaded, truth be told.

but i will never forget the unspeakable exhilaration of being present when he passed Level 2, and wanted to be ready. i coughed really loudly so he wouldn't hear me turn my camera on, in preparation of capturing what could have been one of the happiest days of his life. (i know that sounds extreme, but after investing 8 years into a life goal...i would have to call it such.)

he pulled up the CFA Server, and with shaky hands, started to log in.

incorrect password.
this happens every year.
every. year.

it's God's way of offering comic relief, i have to believe.

we both let out nervous laughs and agree this must be a very effective chinese torture method.

he logs in again.

incorrect password.

i feel my chest burning.

logs in again...

i stand closer to my camera...my left hand pressing hard against my mouth...

and his head falls into his hands and...well...that is that.

it doesn't help morale at all that capital letters across the screen spell out the word: FAIL.

it is a horror movie.
and we live it every year.
and God presses "repeat" annually for reasons that are utterly beyond us.

for some awful reason, my husband desperately, desperately wants a Chartered Financial Analyst designation.

this is what was published in the papers back in May, prior to this years exam:

A record 128,600 enrolled to take the Chartered Financial Analyst exam in June, and if history is any guide, more than half will fail during Wall Street's worst shakeout in at least three decades.

Candidates from 154 countries are scheduled to take one of three levels of the CFA exam.

A CFA is the ultimate credential on Wall Street possessed by Bill Gross, who runs the world's biggest bond fund at Pacific Investment Management Co., and Abby Joseph Cohen, Goldman Sachs Group Inc.'s senior investment strategist. It's especially true after financial firms cut more than 311,000 jobs since global markets started to unravel in 2007, according to data compiled by Bloomberg.

Of the 49,797 people who took the Level 1 exam in December, just 35 percent passed. Topics range from ethical standards and securities valuation to financial statement analysis and portfolio management.

i guess it's not too crazy of him to desire this designation, but...words can't really describe how crushing it is to pour yourself out and come up short.

the only person in the room with a dry eye was isaac.

sometimes you run out of reinforcing, positive words to say.
sometimes they really aren't even relevant or desired.

it took a few minutes of reeling and speechlessness to grapple with the situation.

personal fulfillment deferred by another year.

Chad is one of the smartest people i know. and if you know him, you would wholeheartedly agree. it's beyond us HOW this is our reality....again.

and i'm certain there are 51% of the test takers out there banging their heads against the wall, saying the same thing.

i ran the gamut with my encouraging one-liners.
but my husband failed.
i know it.
he knows it.
and there's nothing that will erase those big letters across the horror movie monitor.
it's just flat out HARD to watch your husband be reduced to "FAIL"...and i would trade places with him in a heartbeat. i couldn't think of ANYTHING i wouldn't do to reverse the test results.

many people have suggested he give up.
let the dream go.
move on with his life.
accept that he'll never have his CFA.
and i used to be one of them...

but with so much time invested -- that feels silly.
and i would certainly have quit. because i tend to be the quitter in this house.
but not chad. he astounds me with his persistence and dedication. and he's never even considered giving up. it would be against his DNA to throw in the towel, and so...well...we brace ourselves for another year of endurance, as the goal is still within his power to attain.

so while the score keepers may call him a failure, as i lift his wet face out of his hands, in my heart i know nothing is further from the truth. i see a brave man who annually risks his pride and his personal comfort to strive for the very, very top. of course chad would aim to be in Wall Street's top one percent.

though closure on this season of our lives will be left for another year...i burst with pride.

i am honored to know him.

...and i am honored that he is mine.

*******************************************************************************

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, It is well, with my soul.

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back like a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford
1873

big day...

2009-08-18T10:50:00.003-04:00

...as we wait...time is certainly standing still...

CFA Level III Exam Pass Rate Drops to 49% From 53% Last Year

By M. Moore

Aug. 18 (Bloomberg) -- A lower percentage of Wall Street job applicants passed the third and final test to become Chartered Financial Analysts, a designation that offers an edge during Wall Street’s worst shakeout in at least three decades.

Forty-nine percent of candidates passed the third stage of the test, down from 53 percent last year, the CFA Institute said in an e-mailed statement today.

To contact the reporter on this story: Michael Moore in New York at mmoore55@bloomberg.net

Last Updated: August 18, 2009 10:36 EDT

*************************************************

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."
Psalm 16:5-8

...just another Sunday...

2009-08-17T09:53:00.002-04:00

Chad gets up with Isaac.
I sleep in...
...my body is destroyed from pilates.
Coffee brewing.
Newspaper delivered.
An hour of fun in family room.
What?!
It’s 9am?
‘we are walking out of this door at 1015!’
Sounds like a record that skips.
Isaac needs breakfast.
I need to pack his bag for church.
…uhm, we’re out of whole milk.
Chad, please run to get whole milk.
I must get ready with Isaac in the bathroom.
Unravels a roll of toilet paper.
Rips pages out of a book.
Crawls into the shower.
Look at watch.
10AM. Chad, WHERE ARE YOU?
Isaac on verge of pulling entire shoe rack down in closet.
Stomach burning from coffee, no breakfast.
Somebody has missed a morning nap completely.
Drag Isaac to high chair.
Put on makeup while feeding him.
10:07AM, chad walk in the door.
…but the whole milk isn’t organic?!
Contemplate whether non-organic milk is rat poison or not.
Hand Isaac to chad for diaper change, clothing and shoes.
Diaper cream gets all over isaac’s hands, truck, and new Robeez.
How do you get these DARN shoes on anyways?! They don’t buckle or tie?!
Sweating.
Mentally drafting letter to Robeez. Engineering needs improvement.
Switch infant carrier from one car to the other – taking separate cars.
Why the heck didn't I buy him a new carseat yesterday?
Long story.
Holy cow, it’s 500 degrees outside.
Pour bottle of rat poison for Isaac and stuff into diaper bag.
Arms are killing me.
Run upstairs, throw clothes on.
Quads are killing me.
Forgot makeup bag next to Gerber Puffs.
Omg, where are my keys?
Huh?
Toothpaste on my dress?
Have I even had a glass of water yet today?
Ponytail it is.
What’s burning?
Coffeepot is burning.
Get in car.
Blast air conditioning.
Realize I forgot stuff in the house.
Who cares.
Zone out while asking myself how this occurs every Sunday.
Drive past Mr Henrys.
Memories of being accosted on Election Day.
Red light.
Did I really enjoy living in this city?
Red light.
Why are Capitol Hill traffic lights not motion-sensored?
Please God let my secret illegal parking space be open.
Who goes to Eastern Market when it’s this hot?
Red light.
Isaac asleep.
Stilettos and bricked sidewalks don’t mesh.
Running.
Isaac throws his pacifier on sidewalk 4 times.
Late.
More sweating.
Running up 3 flights of stairs to the children’s floor.
My quads and abs are waiving a white flag.
Check in.
Wrist bands.
Kiss goodbye.
Grab bulletin.
Quick bathroom stop.
My regular balcony seat.
Breathe.

….we made it….

how is he our kid?

2009-08-14T09:00:00.002-04:00

i had horrific nightmares all night.
it was my birthday party, but it was at my house.
except that part was reminiscent of isaac's bday party at my house....but on speed.
like, 500 people, no room to move, devastation of my home.
and then everybody left and for some reason i was on a deadline to get my house clean again and the more i tried, the worse it got and .....well, everytime i'd go back to sleep....the dirty house WAS STILL THERE.....
interpret, please...?

********
so, today's the day.

for whatever reason, isaac hates food. you may or may not know the details in full, but we are a mixture of completely weirded out and frustrated and...sure...maybe a smidge of worry? bigger smidge of jealously.

do you have any idea how much longer i could put off joining a gym if i just...didn't...like...food...?

well, so, isaac is not normal in this arena. he has been observed by developmental specialists three times since birth and they thinks he's fabulous! he scores above normal in many things! and then she chirps about all of her results and in passing asks, "so...how's he eating?" she takes a seat when i tell her he is a SPAZ about textures. he nods, and tests him out with a cheerio. negative, ghostrider. he gummed the cheerio and it sat on his tongue for twenty minutes until it disintegrated. he simply will not chew, despite the 8+ teeth we have slaved over. she gave me a bunch of sheets on how to 'encourage' his affection for solids...

three days into that, i realized this was a losing battle. he'd start screaming the second i'd place him in his highchair and ANYTHING i attempted to give him caused him to arch his back so hard i half expected the high chair to tip over.

fastforward to today.
he's been referred to a clinic for an 'eating evaluation.' i have no idea what it will entail but hopefully they'll help isaac get over this hump. he obviously doesn't realize many of his dreams will come true when he incorporates CHEEEEEEESE into his diet. hello!? and he obviously missed the memo that ONLY during babyhood is weighing more and packing on the pounds a positive thing. people would kill to be a baby again! to forego utensils, disregard table manners, and endless amounts of high fat fare!...... and you're just WASTING it, isaac.

he will live to regret it, i'm certain.

so wish us luck this afternoon.
during the scheduling phone call, i asked if i should....you know....bring him in starving. you know, like they told me to do when i would meet with the lactation consultant, in order to heighten interest in fooooood when he was a newborn. (by the way, that just doesn't seem right. he was 3 weeks old! not even reaching his due date yet! "please bring him in hungry...make sure he is reeeeaaaaallly hungry.")

i got silence from the receptionist...

...."uhm...no...just bring him in happy."

well, HA. hungry is easier to guarantee than happy. i can guarantee hungry....but ma'am, i will try my best to show up with him ....happy.

and so we scratch our heads. he just can't be our kid....he hates food?!
(ah, brings up the DNA story again....i will write it all out soon!)

so off we go.
keep you posted.

**************

planning to see Time Traveler's Wife tonight.....
very excited.

**************

isn't it true that coffee just TASTES better from your favorite mug? chad brought me coffee is the bad mug today. the step-child mug. i hate that mug. and coffee just didn't hit the spot because of it.
what kind of husband IS HE?

deep considerations...

2009-08-11T10:33:00.003-04:00

i wonder if arlen specter really grasps how old he is.

eating sushi while paying the bills seemed like a fun combo, but the soy sauce container smells raunch on my desk the following morning.

time to shave, isaac is petting my leg hair.

i seriously doubt my ability to work out repeatedly. even if i spend money to do it. i just don't trust that i can do it.

don't go off bragging about perfecting the 'last minute payment' of mortgage. cuz at the last minute, you might lose your mortgage payment stub booklet thingy. and drop two eggs and a full box of pasta on the ceramic floor. and misplace birthday money. and myriad of all bad, horrible things that must happen in a rather unfortunate series....

somebody around here got a promotion...

2009-08-10T09:09:00.005-04:00

i mean. did they go over his strengths and weaknesses in the annual review? did he get a raise? stock options? equity? is he partner, now?

Hello Morgans!

Starting this Sunday, Isaac is eligible to move up to the 12-17 month olds’ class.
We promote on the first Sunday of each month, so his name has been officially added to the roster for the 12-17 month olds. You can sign him in under the yellow sign on the 2nd floor, if you have not begun doing so already.

Please let me know if you have any questions.
Have a great week,
Bev B,
Children’s Ministry Administrator
Capitol Hill Baptist
Church 525 A Street NE
Washington, DC 20002

isaac was rather thrilled, though not surprised by said promotion.
we asked him how he'd prefer to celebrate, so:

clearly saturday was spent recuperating:

and back to business as usual bright and early monday morning:

hey, at least one of us is being promoted, right?

jail...jail...and oh wait, more jail....

2009-08-06T17:05:00.003-04:00

welcome to the baby jail.
prison stripes unintentional but totally optional.

given how exhausted i am over dragging the high chair in and out of the kitchen, i've permanently affixed our portable booster thingy to a chair and shoved it in front of the TV for occurrences such as...you know...peeing. and makeup. or whatever. leaving the room without fear of isaac 'stirring' the toilet water (not while i'm using it, of course) with his hands and/or eating toilet paper....

....or electrocuting himself in my absence....

whatever. baby jail works really well for both of us. i have to believe he approves of it, because guess what...we're out of options. too large for the swing, too angry for the exersaucer and too curious for his own good.

speak of large. and jail.....
it was pediatrician day!

"holy hannah, get me OUTTA HERE....."

despite isaacs effort to avoid eating at all costs, i've managed to shove enough calories into his body that he stores the excess in his thighs and hovers anywhere between 50th - 90th percentile, depending on the measurements of different body parts....

i'll let you guess where his noggin fell on the spectrum...
which is noteworthy, because i fully expect that cranium to be full of academic scholarship goodness, buddy. i will pull these pictures out and remind you of your brain potential for every C you get on your senior report card. oh wait. didn't i recently wax all poetic about not caring where you went to college? haaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

it's quite appropriate that they stab needles into babies/toddlers/children/spawn right next to a psychedelic puzzle that makes your brain bleed out of your ears....how soothing....

to my great dismay, the puzzle failed to calm Monster Brain down.
bottle did the trick...

and we were on our merry way....
...to jail #3.

HAIR CUT!!!!!
my baby had his first official hair cut, which is the only appropriate thing to make your friend do when she's going through this. i am so sorry julie....you did WAY too much, considering you are recovering. but it was good to see you -- you look great. and i'm glad our boys were able to bond over cranberries (HE DID!) and yogurt puffs (old hat...) and that we were able to share a pot of coffee. :) i love you! and...well...i love free stuff too. and now i have LOTS of free hair to stash away in the baby book..... SOB.

"jail is getting ooooold."

and thus concludes our day on the go.
today was pretty rough on him and so i'm curious to know how long he'll nap for?! it's 530...and i still have to go grocery shopping and put him in JAIL #4 for the day = SHOPPING CARTS.....

::: shudder :::

wish me luck!

decompress

2009-08-05T12:23:00.003-04:00

so for my REAL birthday, we had a family dinner out. dinner included all of my favorite food groups. cheese + wine + bread + baby + hubby. :) we coulda done w/o the mosquitoes, but apparently they couldn't help but celebrate with us, too.

isaac behaved like a real life doll, very appropriate behavior when mommy is tired and partied out! of course he hasn't quite grasped the whole "look at the camera and smile" idea, which is quite odd (and maybe a little annoying?) for a child who has a camera shoved in his face about...oh...4 hours a day.

he's got a new obsession. teeth.

ISAAC LOOK AT THE FREAKING CAMERA ALREADY!!!!
can i get another round, please?.....

NEWFLASH: isaac ate BREAD! like, real LIVE bread! granted, it's sitting right in front of him in the above photograph, however i had to mince it into such small pieces it's not really visible to the naked eye. HOWEVER!? he ate it and you will clap right now for our success.

i guess it's at this point i should tell you that we have an 'eating evaluation' with some developmental therapists next friday. awesome. my kid is 1 and already employing a therapist. who OF COURSE doesn't take our insurance. (here we go TAX RETURN 2009!) so we shall allow the professionals to assess his aversion to textures and test out his 'eating form' and his sensory responses. for OBVIOUS reasons, this raises some red flags and is a little worrisome, but we are being promised that this is very normal and resolvable. which is good cuz mama is getting REAL tired of sitting there for 45 minutes, three times a day, feeding a 12mth old with EIGHT TEETH, nothing but jarred pureed food for infants. end rant.

*****
so, between baby showers, birthday parties, family visits, more birthday parties, more hosting friends in town, more birthday parties....yada yada, we're ready for some down time! and we very much look forward to our vacation next month! it will be nice to get away for some peace and quiet, just the three of us. we're really trying to start a tradition where just the three of us get some QT alone for a week..... in this city and in this world of crazy hustle/bustle/travel schedules/social events, it will be nice to hole up with my husband and my baby to reconnect, beachfront, in solitude for a week....

i'm droooooling.
bring on september!

aaaaaand i hear isaac awake from his nap....
toodles.

PS: when i look at that first photograph, i wonder who the heck isaac looks like. not me. not daddy. and then i remember back to the day he was discharged and we were notified that his DNA was such that it was impossible for him to be my child, given my DNA. that was a REAL COOL conversation in my post-partum delirium. remind me to tell you that story sometime......

30

2009-08-04T08:38:00.007-04:00

ever feel like you're driving in a car with a pit in your stomach because you're not that thrilled about your destination? i guess you could say that's how the last few weeks have been for me. truthfully, i've had this feeling since chad turned 30 back in march. and i was in a car with no breaks and no pit stops allowed. 30 was fast approaching and i had no control over it!

well, the destination is THIRTY and i have finally arrived.

can you say gorgeous flowers?! my good friend lanier orchestrated the cake, flowers, you know....everything!

you could say the angst surfaced when a good friend celebrated her 30th in February and chad celebrated his in March and i knew mine was fast approaching. i remember having this conversation with chad in the car about...well...a psuedo-mini-midlife-crisis. obviously 30 is not midlife but i think this season of my life represents a great divide between who i was and who i am now and what i'll never be again.

breathtaking!

thanks to my loving and supportive parents, i HONESTLY grew up thinking i could do anything. become anything. go anywhere. succeed at whatever i chose. because of this, i spent my junior high years FULLY believing i'd be an astronaut. (i wish i were kidding.)

then in high school i went through a very 'live in the moment' phase and chose to not think about the future at all. then i was going to start a restaurant. then i was going to go to harvard. then i was going to become a famous singer (purchased the guitar and all!), then i was going to go to med school and become a surgeon. you know...a surgeon who doesn't have to see blood or deal with guts.

then i was going to become a radio host which quickly transitioned into whitehouse press secretary....

at least they made "30" look classy and pretty :)

it's pretty obvious why i was voted "Class Dreamer of 1997," when i graduated HS. should i add that it was insulting at the time because i had to pose for the yearbook photo seated between Class's Most Shy and Class's Most Quiet.
uhmmm....i was not impressed with this form of notoriety....

i never saw it coming. my husband had convinced me it was a dinner for our anniversary...and then opened the door...

unfortunately, this overactive imagination and false sense of opportunity did not translate into much ambition in college. i would give my right arm to go back to college, though it was because i have the world's most amazing friends. not because i did anything stellar in the classroom....

with that said -- i did actually graduate and proceeded to cry for 2 weeks. i do not deal well with closure. at all. so i moved home and continued to my job search.

(fortunately, my ambition served me well and i DID complete an internship in DC in 2001, and by early 2002, started driving to DC on days i didn't have class to interview for Hill positions....)

The Greatest Man Ever....

when i ready to give up...i told my parents i was going back to school for nursing. they were utterly exasperated by my ventures...yet...agreed i could do it.

two days later i landed a job with the Senate.
close call.

two years after that...i was appointed by the WH to head over to Iraq to work with the Coalition Provisional Authority/Green Zone with Ambassador Bremmer. sure. why not. hazard pay. single. 6mth commitment. WAR TIME COMMUNICATIONS DEPT!? resume!? killer story....I AM ALL IN! what's to lose....

then i moved to chicago.
to work at a publishing house. (huh?!)
i know.
got married....came back to DC....did more publicity stuff....and had a baby.
oh...and started my own photography business....(gosh i really AM so random)

3 course dinner with loved ones....

my twenties were CHOCK FULL of 'sky's the limit' situations and i truly felt unleashed. unfettered. the possibilities were endless. i had time to change my course, jump ship, go back to school, do WHATEVER I WANTED.....

the best game i ever played at a party..."2 truths & a lie"

i guess the last few months, i have reflected on all of this.
i can no longer close one door and open another without consequences.
i have a house.
a husband.
a baby.
commitments, people!

"after party" at our penthouse suite at Lorien Hotel & Spa

i've also started to wonder, "wow....30s, huh? next is 40s...and then 50s....," and have asked myself if i am proud of the past 30 years. what contribution have i made to those around me? what eternal contribution have i made to the Kingdom? is God pleased with my life thus far? what's left on my to-do list? what adventurous accomplishments do i still have left to make?

at any rate -- 30 has marked a season of transition. my choices may be limited and my future has more of a purpose of singularity and i'd probably be lying to say that i don't mourn the loss of 'freedom' in a selfish, strange way....not freedom from my family, but freedom from OPTIONS in this world, places to travel, things to take on....i would take my family with me on all of these imagined adventures if i could -- but i cannot -- so i choose my family first and foremost and let go of all these crazy, wild ideas in my head....

i guess it's called growing up, for a reason...

my goal is to embrace a more settled and stable life. to master ONE thing at a time, rather than to clutter my life with half-hearted projects and lists and ideas and ...and, well...live in haphazard fashion like i did in my 20's....

now that i am THIRTY, i KNOW who my friends are.
i KNOW what i love.
i KNOW what i have chosen to embrace and commit to.
i KNOW what my gifts and strengths are, and what my failures and weaknesses are...

and i know TRULY (i'm not just saying this!) that i would not trade anyTHING or anyONE for my family. my baby. my husband. my life of increasing peacefulness.

gifts & wine....wine....and more wine.

because, ultimately, what i have today is exactly what i wanted at the end of a long day on Capitol Hill. i still may eat take out and sleep odd hours. i may still wear heels at inappropriate times and neglect vacuuming my house. i may even still pretend i'm a government employee and wish the world were Republican....

but i do it all from my home, next to my baby, and exhale that i'm on the otherside of that. my 'drama' so far today is baby poop on PJs, coffee getting too cold and birthday phone calls interrupting my Intense Blogging Project de Jour. :)

and so i embrace 30 (gosh in the same way i embrace that my baby is ONE.....see! this week is so freaking dramatic?!) and am excited to see what THIS DECADE will bring! this year is a culmination of all my previous years....each of us is made of choices, experiences, happy times and sad times....it molds us and we become a product of it all.

the Morning After....hot greasy buffet. hit the spot!

and i am pleased with the result. where i am. who i love. where my priorities lie. and i am ultimately thankful that God has led and ordered my steps. He set my course and i could never express my gratitude ENOUGH for that....

oh hey, isaac! welcome to the club...where you been all my life?

so, farewell, twenties. it was a fun, crazy, impromptu decade full of insanity that somehow brings me to TODAY!

and thanks to everybody who has stuck by my side during that decade. your friendships mean more than you'll ever know. thank you for celebrating with me and for joining life with me. and you know....for throwing that ridiculously AMAZING party to help me over this hump. :)

i love you all.

...and i love growing up...

365 Days of Joy.....

2009-08-03T09:30:00.000-04:00

oh, isaac.

21 weeks pregnant

my heart brims with so many differing and complicated emotions, as you are now a full year old. the emotions are mixed: thrilled, proud, astounded...sad? i'm sure the sadness stemmed from the huge undertaking recently, virtually removing all evidences that a baby lived in your room. from your swing, to your swaddle, to you burp rags, to you baby booties...to the hospital cap you came home in...little trinkets that cause the memories of the past year to rain down on me. how far we've come...how much we've grown...how many treasures are stored in my heart! i grasp each day for the mental snapshots that will remain etched on my mind, but the frames all blur together and all of the sudden...what!....you're 365 days old, now.

first night being admitted...

when i would nurse you as a newborn, you were as long as the distance from my wedding band to my elbow, nestled close. wasn't it...just...yesterday? and every night, i take another mental snapshot of you laying across my lap and wish time to freeze. your feet now dangle over the arm rest and our days are numbered for when you'll be able to comfortably fall asleep in my arms. i treasure the weight of your head in my left arm. i look at you and marvel...you will become a man.

5lbs 2oz

painful to look at, even now...

and so our lives peel away in layers and the 'infant' layer of your time with us is now safely packed away in bins and boxes...and embedded in our hearts forever.

i've mulled over why all my loved ones have joyous birthdays, and with great anticipation we plan, and purchase gifts and ultimately celebrate another year...and why i feel a deep ache sometimes with yours.

he was ok...huge relief...

after much meditating, i've realized i don't mark the days of my life, or the length of my years according to my parents birthdays. or my siblings. or my friends, for that matter. i don't reflect upon my life, when i celebrate their birthdays.

3 days old...

but with you, isaac, i've never been more acutely aware of the measure of a year. a week. a minute. you bring exponential value to every second. it's here. and then it's gone. and while that moment was enjoyed to it's fullest -- it's the fullness of it that pangs the heart. i relished every second of this year to an extent i never knew i had the capability of and ...and it now exists as a part of my memory. but as a building block of you who are and will become. and there's the twist. i mourn, in part, the passing of time, all while fully appreciating my great responsibility in your rearing.

day after delivery -- i missed my baby shower!

though God is eternal and lives in timelessness, he has given us the framework of time. and the limits of time. and power of time. but, isaac, i pray you understand from an early age that life is precious, yet, fleeting... we don't live forever and we have no control regarding our length of days here on earth....

that said, my prayer is that you live life sharing the urgent message of Christ. as your mother, i could not be more proud of you already! i look into your eyes and wonder what you will become, or how you will understand your calling, or what manner of work you will choose. i wish i could protect you from the pressures you will encounter to seek wealth...fame...fortunes. achieving any of those should never be your loftiest goals and i pray you will be shielded from those empty snares of this life.

NICU

day 1 of life...

it doesn't matter what preschool you go to...
or what elementary school you attend.
or where you apply to college.

it honestly doesn't matter when you start walking...
or when you will say your first word.
or when you will be potty trained.

it honestly doesn't matter what sports you play...
or when you get a cell phone.
or who you take to the prom.

while all of those things will be exciting and while i'll relish every milestone we shared together, i continually guard myself against giving you identity in such silly things. my heart's desire is such that i truly want you to find your confidence in Truth.

all earthly confidences are simply doors for which anxiety and fears can enter.

fears about health.
fears about money.
fears about acceptance.
fears about status and popularity.

fear should never define the child of God.

rather than toiling over your current social baby calendar and your eating habits.
or fussing over your appearance and your vocabulary (all very fun and valuable things!)
....i attempt to reset my focus daily on shaping your values and setting your sights on far loftier things.
i don't pray that you'll be the next president, or a famous doctor or lawyer. i don't set my thoughts on cultivating your ambitions to be (yes! again! wonderful things!) anything but inside the will of God.

'car seat test'

and so...

isaac, baby, i pray that you will grow to be a humble man.
i pray that you will be light in this dark world.
i pray that you will love all people, particularly your enemies.
i pray that you will be tempered and wise, understanding life is brief.
i pray that you will be merciful and forgiving.
i pray that you will be a peacemaker and pure in heart.
i pray that you will expect great miracles through faithfulness and depend only on God's grace.
i pray you will find your satisfaction in your relationship with God and drink deeply from the water of His word.
i pray you live against the grain, embracing that this life is just our entree into something far more endlessly remarkable and glorious. understanding that all of humanity's shallow ambition falls short in the light of His glory.
i pray you bear the fruits of the Spirit, that you are characterized by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.

and i pray that as you grow and fulfill your calling, and as you shed your childlike dependence on me, that you will transfer your dependence upon God the unshakable foundation of our life. and i pray that Jeremiah 29:11 will resonate in your heart, and also be a reminder to me that God plans our lives, despite our best guesses!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

...and so my momentary sadness evolves into hope. and joy. and gratitude.
we've tucked one year under our belts and side-by-side step toward the future. i can only pray that one day, when my little baby is a tall in stature, striking in presence, and and a fully grown man (hey, i'm just basing it off his daddy!), that you will define success by winning souls for Christ. period. and that in spite of my imperfect and often faltering hand in your upbringing, i will hold no regrets. i will look back at our years together with nothing but amazement. i know my memories with you will be most vibrant -- as you were my first. my miracle.

first time going to church

....and finally, that you will understand that never has another baby been born just like you, predestined to be an intricate part of this family, yes...but infinitely more important, predestined before the beginning of time, to be an intricate and necessary human being with an irreplaceable role to accept in The Great Story...forever. and ever.
Amen.

Every joy or trial falleth from above.
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do;
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.

**************

Exactly 365 Days Old...

WE LOVE YOU, ISAAC!

hustle, hustle.....sob.

2009-07-21T11:25:00.005-04:00

so chad left us this past weekend, to party it up in santa barbara with some friends at a wedding. i remember the invitation having my name on it too, but for some reason, in retrospect, it dawned on me that chad didn't really invite me, himself.

"hey, i'm gonna head to CA for that wedding....you cool with it?"

SURE!
because let's face it, dragging isaac on an airplane for 6 hours, along with ...you know...all that BABY STUFF, just did NOT sound appealing. only to do it again 48 hours later. for a dude i don't even know. congrats, but...i have never met you or your future wife.

with that said, it struck me on saturday night, while watching reruns of The Jacksons movie on VH1, that....HEY! i was LEFT OUT of the fun! chad was cruising the coastline in somebody's borrowed Porsche and ....well....i had the distinct honor of cleaning out isaac's room.

uhmmm.
interesting.

nevertheless, isaac was a wonder-boy all weekend and much was accomplished on the homefront. and subsequently, many tears were shed as well. i woke up inspired to ORGANIZE my house on saturday, given i had no babysitter, no place to be, really, and a baby room that still contained remnants of infancy. and well....HEY! ....he's not an infant anymore so....BAG IT UP! MOVE IT OUT! .....OMG PASS THE TISSUES!

i've never shed one tear about boxing up his belongings -- and that's probably due in part to the WONDEROUS thing called 'space bags.' (RIP, billy) i'd get so GOSH DARN excited to fill the space bags up and conduct my own personal home-experiments that it would eclipse any pangs in my heart over what i was actually doing....

FYI = space bags lose the luster.

so i perched isaac in a shopping cart and headed to the store to buy bins, more spacebags, organizing tools, etc.

i came home and went to work!
his dresser was still full of newborn socks, burp rags, hospital knit caps.....and during the digging, stashing, thankless work of cleaning....i uncovered his baby swaddle. i have no idea why but it very unexpectedly ripped my heart out. why are SO many emotions attached to the stinkin' swaddle? and while isaac proceeded to destroy all of my piles of folded clothes in catagories 0-3, 3-6, 6-12.....i sat down, hugged the swaddle.....and wept.

i think it's hitting me.
he's not an infant anymore.
i couldn't get the tears to stop.
omg...i may cry right now!
yep, screen is all fuzzy and my eyes feel hot.

i love you isaac!
but because your nursery (wait! will it still be called a nursery?!) is only 9x9 feet, i must pack away all things that remind us that you were, in fact, a little 5lb lump of love at one point. i must make room for all the bigger, crazier things i'm sure you'll get for your birthday....

but i will admit that a few things were spared from the spacebag....i just wasn't ready. and they are tucked away, back in his closet, close enough to pull out when i want to be reminded of all the joys and happiness this last year has brought me....

365 Days of Joy....

2009-07-19T13:44:00.021-04:00

WE LOVE YOU, ISAAC!

you know...that other day job i have...

2009-07-17T22:12:00.010-04:00

wow.
it's wedding season and i'm certainly back in the saddle!
it's been difficult juggling isaac and work and traveling hubby and surgery and you know...stuff.

but here we are and life is good :)
this wedding presented alot of 'firsts' for me!
first time shooting at MY OWN personal church on Capitol Hill!
first time shooting ALONE! eeek.
first time shooting alone and have the couple see each other prior to the ceremony!!!

let's just say i was VERY excited about this. normally i LIKE when i am able to capture the bride and groom's face as the bride is about to walk down the aisle, but my church has such strict rules regarding photography during the ceremony, that i realized doing it THIS way would be best. shooting from a balcony would make it hard to see their expressions and capture that accordingly, so i was blessed with the opportunity to set up this shoot before the big event!

i actually had each of them line up behind these huge trees in a park next to the capitol...
amy was leaning over to catch a glimpse of anything she could. cheater! ;)

(you can click on each image to enlarge it!)

tim, on the other hand, was obediently looking in the opposite direction according to directions. :)

on the count of 3, they both came out from behind their prospective trees and walked toward each other -- it worked out fantastically....

i do think they forgot the cameras were inches from them.
you could feel the electricity. the disbelief. the emotion.

we had a little shoot by the capitol...

amy, waiting for her walk down the aisle...

tim, getting all GQ on me....

the reception was lively, alot of fun and full of emotion, too!

i had a feeling it was going to get messy and i secretly join in the chanting and rooting for a good, healthy cake-smashing ordeal....

my wish was granted!

so there ya go!
amy & tim, it was an honor and i know for certain (sadly, you can't always say that!) that you'll live happily ever after! thank you for a great day!!!

Call Your Representatives...

2009-07-15T20:46:00.003-04:00

Baby Irena was born on July 6, 2009 at 27 weeks, and passed away on July 10, 2009. Life is precious. Never forget that every life is precious.

Untitled from Kateri Reyes on Vimeo.

Our President was 1 of 2 US Senators to vote in favor of Partial Birth Abortion in 2004. Partial Birth Abortion gives women the right to kill their babies up to full term. We all know that children are viable at that age, and MUCH earlier. If that weren't unnerving enough...

TONIGHT, July 15, the U.S. House of Representatives will vote on a bill that will allow public funds to be used to pay directly for abortions in our nation's capital.

If this measure passes, taxpayer money appropriated by Congress will be sent directly to the abortion industry in Washington , D.C.

Please contact your Representative and verbalize your dissent.
http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW_by_State.shtml

Tell your member of Congress to oppose this change in the law and to vote against the passage of H.R. 3170 if it continues to allow the use of locally generated tax revenues - public money - to be used for the killing of innocent human lives in the womb.

Since 1988, except for a short period under President Clinton, the Congress of the United States has adopted language known as the Dornan Amendment that limits the use of tax funds to pay for abortions in the nation's capital. This amendment has been applied to both federally and locally generated tax revenues - in short, all public funds - that are appropriated by Congress to the District of Columbia . This amendment has protected women in Washington , D.C. from the abortion industry and led many to choose positive alternatives for themselves and their babies.

Now, pro-abortion members of Congress want tax funds used for abortion again. If they succeed in doing so on H.R. 3170, this will open the door for the repeal of nearly two dozen other federal laws that have similar limits on the use of public money to pay for abortions, including through the pending health care reform. The stakes could not be higher. Please contact your member of Congress now and tell him or her to oppose H.R. 3170 if it allows the use of locally generated tax funds for abortion. Please act now as the vote is likely to happen on Wednesday, July 15.

mish mash!

2009-07-15T09:06:00.004-04:00

ah, you've probably seen all of these on facebook, but regardless, i find these two of my dad reading to isaac absolutely precious! isaac is captivated by books and Pop Pop used this to his advantage a month ago when we were in PA! (wow...maybe 2 mths ago? not sure...)

if you fastforward to the 4th of july, you obviously know i was recuperating! therefore, i took my first mini-trip (it counts as a trip if it exceeds the distance from the couch to the bathroom!) to the neighborhood pool! it was gorgeous weather that day and it felt SO GOOD to get out of the house! but isaac hates the pool. with a pure and holy hatred. we tried to bride him, but it only worked for 10 minutes. so we did alot of people watching and lounging :) happy 4th!

then this past weekend, lanier opened up her backyard and cooked a FAB organic meal for us!!!! again, perfect weather. it's almost STRANGE how gorgeous and mild the outdoors have been this summer. weird. creepy. WONDERFUL! we had alot of fun!!! makes me want a backyard!!! :) ah, the plans we add to our dream list!

we also decided to head over to the National Harbor for a little family day outing! there's this fantastic 'water taxi' to take you over there and it's just really neat! this below photo is of us waiting at the Old Town harbor for the ferry....and then....GASP....my camera died. no really. HORRIBLE TIMING. i almost cried. so did isaac:

the weekend was topped off by an incredibly day of blessing at church. i know i don't talk about it alot (because it's a given, i suppose :) but my heart overflows at the thought of my church. the blessings and teachings and relationships are deep and fulfilling and my heart honestly bursts because i love it so much. i can't believe we've been members there for 2+ years already, but when you find a church that truly becomes the axis of your life, a church that is the fundamental reason you stay in the area you live in -- it's an unspeakably massive blessing. who knows if we'd be so convinced to stay in VA, if not for the Body of Christ that we're a part of and for which we love so dearly.

which BRINGS ME to my next point = ISAAC THRIVES there. he loves it too!
i've been INCREDIBLY impressed by their nursery services/toddler services/children's sunday school offerings! he's in the nursery a total of 5 hours on sunday (3 in the AM, 2 in the PM) and has never once required me to save him. i set him down and he bolts for the toys and his friends! what a relief that i can focus and worship and know that he's under the safe teaching and in the capable hands of trusted friends!

all to say, he is WIPED when we pick him up!!! :) we're talking FOUR hour naps on sunday afternoons! so cute......

but he managed to rally by monday morning, because he had a big day of networking.

our playgroup wasn't such a success this week, between vacationing, broken AC's, out of town friends, etc. so shiloh & luke met up with us for lunch and we had a wonderful time! the boys talked just enough biz so we could write off the meal ;)

and here we are: it's wednesday! i have a meal i need to get hoppin' on for a local mom who's just had her 2nd bebe, and isaac and i intend to go window shopping for our new bedroom linens.....ah, window shopping. gone are those leisurely trips, though i am going to tackle as best we can!

and that just about brings you up to speed.....happy wednesday!

noteworthy...

2009-07-13T15:47:00.004-04:00

normally i keep this sort of commentary sequestered to my other blog.
but, this kinda feels important and i'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter.
i know it's easy to go off the cliff with this sorta thing, but frankly, i don't feel so crazy, changing my lifestyle in accordance with this sort of information. is it trustworthy? it seems so. have you heard of it before? maybe?

cut and paste from the other blog:

******************************

howdy folks.
i'm recovering well, thank you! outside of isaac's foot spurring my stomach, while he rides around on my hip, things are good.
well, then there are those moments in the morning that i stretch without thinking and wonder if my stomach muscles just ripped. otherwise we're golden!

given i had infinite amounts of time to spent happily drugged while surfing the web, i'd like to say i'm now going to eat my words. i hope they're organic.

remember back when i declared i'm only going organic with my FOOD?! well....strike that.

given my operation failed to find much WRONG with my system, i've been left to wonder what else could cause my irregular cycles and horrific periods. if it's not endometriosis, and if i don't have cysts or adhesions or scar tissue....then WHAT!?

one evening while drifting around in outter space (hola to the cat at the farm! this shout out will make no sense to 99.99% of you.) while drugged on my laptop, i stumbled across a blog written by a women who has PCOS. many of you are aware that i have PCOS and obviously it's impeding upon my cycle regularity more than i gave it credit for. (how soon we forget those wretched years of counting cycle days...)

nevertheless, this blog drew my attention to environmental factors that exacerbated her PCOS. i lingered on the website and was redirected to a site called The Cosmetic Database. wow. essentially, it's a site that analyzes over 30,000 skin care, cosmetic, hair care products and tells you exactly what ingredients are in each one, and rates it on a scale from 1-10 based on toxicity. apparently, and i had no idea, since skin care/hair care/cosmetics aren't ingested, the FDA cares very little about what goes into them. shocker. but there you go. then they proceed to tell you which ingredients are scientifically known to cause certain physical ailments. cancer. allergies. organ deficiency. reproductive toxicity. the list goes on. with my mouth hanging open, i slowly entered the Cover Girl powder that i've been using since i was 14 years old. i am astonished to tell you it ranked as a EIGHT on the 10-point toxicity spectrum.

this is what the webpage discloses about this particular cosmetic, click to enlarge:

cancer, check.
reproductive toxicity, check.
violations, check.

then they list the incriminating ingredients:

parabens, check.
lead, check.
ingredients outlawed in Europe, check.

wanna hear something worse?

i decided to brave the bad news, and enter in Vasoline Intensive Care Lotion with Aloe. i've sworn by this stuff for YEARS. i slather it ALL OVER my body on a daily basis. and isaac's. so it was imperative for me to know what it ranks.

are you ready?

NINE.
it ranks NIIIIINE.

again: cancer.
again: neurotoxicity.
again: reproductive toxicity.

i am truly in shock. appalled!

with all of this said, my point in this lies with overall health. why switch my diet to organic when i allow all of these toxic ingredients to penetrate my skin and thwart my efforts? why negate it all?

it's hard to apply makeup this week, knowing what i'm doing....

what's even CRAZIER is i went to Whole Foods and bought this lotion, thinking it was all-natural and organic. heh.

i come home and enter it into the database:
score of FIVE, based on the 'neurotoxicity evaluated in the fragrance."

if you can't get a true organic lotion at WHOLE FOODS, what gives?! and i paid far too much for it, to have me settle on a FIVE. i guess i'll print out the low toxicity list and drag it with me when i return to WF. it appears there are varying degrees of 'organic' and that's just annoying.

i'm still not on board with energy efficient light bulbs (HATE!) or canvas shopping bags (always forget them!) but i can now say i'm working to become organic is ways i least expected....

funny how life takes a turn when you recognize the small things that could have large negative effects on your baby....

this whole organic inspiration has really opened Pandoras Box......

i'd love to hear people's thoughts on this information....go!

i'm alive....

2009-07-02T22:28:00.003-04:00

(being wheeled into recovery after surgery...)

vital details:

1) no endometriosis (!!)
2) no detrimental c-section scar tissue
3) no noteworthy causes of pain

overall, today was a rather calm experience and prayers were answered! i was home by 3pm and laying comfortably on the couch. i will say that it was a VERY vivid reminder of what a c-section is like. anticipating pain when using abdominal muscles and just alotta deja vu in that department. those memories came flooding back and i remember thinking, "yep! it's still pretty fresh in my mind!"

the staff was wonderful and hello (!), the hospital gowns plug into the wall and automatically WARM UP!? that's why i look slightly like the michelin man -- i was full of warm air!

off to bed but just wanted to briefly update the world of this great news....
toodles!

my beloved

2009-07-01T09:46:00.004-04:00

life twists and turns and sometimes the most unexpected blessings drop into our lives. literally. each day we grow older, we anticipate and order our schedules our plans and our priorities. and every once in a while, we are reminded that, for the most part, we control very little. we're simply riding a wave into shore, with minimal control over the fluid movements of the water beneath us...it may be calm, choppy, rushing, devastating. but never drifting. never direction-less.

life is ordained and our blessings are orchestrated by the one and true God above.

and that's what you are to me.
i certainly wasn't expecting you, or intentionally seeking you out.
i was riding the choppy waters of my Hill job. increasingly hating the person it was twisting me into. despising my ridiculous schedule. pining after something slower. more peaceful. a better-fitting job for my heart. i was, for the lack of a better term, broken. in many ways. broken over previous relationships. broken financially. and i was rather heartbroken over my experiences in my "dream enviromnment" not really fulfilling me the way i had expected...

we met via unconventional circumstances (blind date, long story!) and, boy...we were looooong distance.
but you were intentional, level-minded, calm...and you snapped into place in my heart, as though you were a perfectly fitting puzzle piece.
i knew.
i knew you were the one.

i moved to be closer to you.
4 years ago tomorrow, we were married.
together we moved back east.

you know it's a great place to come home to, when one of our top five fights of all time occurred 2 weeks into marriage, 2 glasses of wine into the night, and this Type-A wife refused to go to bed until i hung a bookshelf on the wall. one screaming fit and 16 gaping holes in the wall later.....we ended up laughing hysterically. and we still talk about that night -- fondly -- to this day.

there is so much i know today, that i otherwise would never have known, outside of you.
there is so much i love today, that i otherwise would never have loved, outside of you.
there is so much i experience today, that outside of you, i never would have experienced.

in many ways, i met a man i never would have sought out. and fell in love. unexpected blessings.
in many ways, i met a man who i desperately dreamed i'd end up with.

they say 'still waters run deep....'
that's my husband.
he's never frazzled. never hurried. never worried. never fretting.
with every card stacked against him, while being aware of his 'odds'...he lives by example: "God is good and in control. He controls our fate. Anxiety contributes nothing positive...."

i've never met a more disciplined man. very long-suffering. eyes always on a goal. i stand in awe....as i'm more of a 'sprinter' in life. i don't have endurance. sure, i'm a force to be reckoned with, if i'm inspired...but check in with me a year later?....eh....i move on to the next shiny thing. but not chad. chad sets 10-year goals, and beyond. he's a dreamer. a do-er. and certainly a pray-er. he identifies and personifies a goal and never redirects his gaze. a strong man in that way, particularly.

with him, the glass is eternally full...even if i declare the sky to be falling and the end of the world is in sight. it can be incredibly infuriating when you can't get a rise out of somebody, as you're dramatically complaining about a circumstance. it can also be incredibly comforting when true, real grief is encountered. he is certainly a shelter when waves are utterly consuming.

and of course he does all of these things while being a wonderful conversationalist. he's truly insatiable...his curiosity astounds me. always learning and seeking out new information about anything...

but while being all of these things, things i couldn't have understood how to pray for or dream up....he loves me so well.
from 4 years of cups of coffee on my nightstand every morning....to randomly collecting all the trash in my ever-disgusting vehicle. to his unprompted bouquets of roses. to his wonderful and constant words of affirmation. to his love of our baby.

i could continue this post all day.
all of the letters in the alphabet, that i am staring at on my laptop, could never contain the magnitude of the blessings chad is to me.

ultimately, i am bursting with pride that i am his wife. i ask myself daily WHY he chose to spend the remainder of his days with me...and it doesn't matter. i can only hope and strive to make it the best experience for him, possible, with each year that we tuck under our belt.

our anniversary is actually july 2nd, but i'll be a little predisposed in an operating room tomorrow, so this comes a day early.
but that's ok -- he deserves the extra day of recognition. :)

today also marks my son's 11 month mark on our lives....

all i can say is that 'my cup runneth over....,' and it's all due to God's graciousness in placing us in the same boat together, chad, and though navigating life can get messy-- we're together.

....we're together.
and i love you dearly.
happy 4th anniversary.....

outta here!

2009-06-26T08:06:00.003-04:00

so we're packing up and heading to NC for a wedding tomorrow! wish us luck with isaac...who...with whom we do not share fond memories of our last trip to NC. heh. but it SHOULD be a lovely wedding, and we're both guests AND hired photographer. :) that will be the only semi-complicated thing about it all...but we'll manage!

last night we had a great time at Vermilion Restaurant on King....it was nice to dress up a bit (wow, when did jeans and heels turn into 'dressing up?') and have adult conversation, though it always turns into 'mom' conversation....which i find super humorous. but it's really inevitable! especially when these are 'moms club' and playgroup friendships!

nevertheless, it was lovely! (maybe a bit late for this mom who had to get up at 6am to start packing...but...i'd do it again...)

say a prayer for our trip, if you think of it! and have a great weekend!

i did it! -- UPDATE EDIT AT BOTTOM!

2009-06-25T10:29:00.006-04:00

my first 'organic' dish....
recipe can be found here!
i had to do a bit of a makeover on it, to make it 100% organic, but my gosh -- it did taste amazing!

my 'cooking organic' observations can be found HERE!

****
****

in other news, my baby is growing so fast i can hardly stand it!!!
and why do i love him in his jammies so much? i think jammies are the cutest outfits ever...so cozy and comfy.

he's got a CHEWING SHOES obsession....which....isn't very organic.
well.
actually i guess it could be...?

the fact i get when i tell him no.
half the time he laughs.
half the time he cries.
depends on his exhaustion levels...

tomorrow we take off for a wedding i'm shooting in NC!!!! all 3 of us will go -- OBVIOUSLY i will never travel to NC again w/o my baby daddy. ever.
we return on sunday and apparently i have surgery next week...? heh.

the hospital just called my cell to 'pre-register' me and i was all, "....oh right. yeah. surgery...."
blah....but i feel going about doing it.

either way -- have a great weekend!

****
EDIT!

for those of you looking for a great baby sunscreen...OR SPF in general (!!), i found it! it travels REALLY well in my purse, it's not messy, it smells lovely and it's 60 SPF!

that's all :)

ok, ok....we're going organic!

2009-06-24T10:47:00.003-04:00

alrighty then!
i feel inspired, really.
i can do this.
i can be healthier...while learning how to prepare better dishes for my fam...and feel better about my health.

no, we're not quite at the organic clothing, organic toilet paper, organic storage bins stage yet.
just organic foods.

it's more or less a One Year Challenge to give up as much processed food as possible and look back a year from now and see any major differences, or any reason to continue.

if you know me, you're laughing at your desk right now.
i personally am laughing too.
and my husband paid a premium for front row tickets to watch me...in...the...kitchen.
heh.
and mom...stop laughing!

at any rate, i'll be documenting this trainwreck over HERE!
any suggestions, recipes, tips, encouragement you feel you'd like to offer....i'm all ears!

have a great wednesday!

aaaaaaaaah-mazing!

2009-06-22T10:13:00.008-04:00

you do realize that for both Mothers Day annnnd Fathers Day, i missed half of the entire
ACTUAL holiday? let's try to forget how i was feeling on Mothers Day...and the SAME girl who
took me out the night before THAT woozy holiday....took me out AGAIN on Fathers Day Eve. i have NO complaints AT ALL this time (it was never her fault that i had many complaints physically on Mothers Day...only myself to blame. i know.) as it was THE MOST FUN i've had in a long time.

lanier is a foodie.
allison is NOT a foodie. though...i love good food. i appreciate good wine. and find it more of a privelidge to eat posh food, not an everyday occurance. i'm learning many people DO eat fine cuisine regularly and...well...i'm freaking jealous!

given lanier's all-out STALKERAGE of Chef Cathal Armstrong from Restaurant Eve, she learned that he was putting on the EVENT OF THE YEAR, out in Rappahannock County, Virginia. from their website:

Acclaimed Chef Cathal Armstrong will prepare a Summer Solstice Farm Dinner at historic Mount Vernon Farm outside Sperryville, Virginia.

Chef Armstrong is a celebrated visionary in the buy fresh/buy local movement and creator of Alexandria’s Restaurant Eve.

Guests will spend the evening under the stars with Chef Armstrong and the providers of Rappahannock’s fresh bounty and artisanal wines.

i truly have never encountered anything so magnificent, serene, impressive, ENJOYABLE and extravagantly tasty! it was limited seating in the more insane location ever...under a tent...perfect weather...incredible wine...WE WILL BE DOING THIS AGAIN!!!!!!

THEN!!!!! lanier booked us a bed and breakfast 2 miles away from the dinner...so at 11pm, we drove the CUTEST place on earth, and had a wonderful, well-rounded trip to the mountains/farms/livestock. we purchased awesome meats and organic produce directly from the farmers and i feel completely refreshed after a night away without cell reception, internet, or any television. losing track of time can sometimes be a VERY VERY good and refreshing experience....

...oh. and right. and HAPPY FATHERS DAY! :)
chad had a great time with isaac...they said they took trips down to see the airplanes take off (isaac's favorite past time) and were able to "have boy time." we did a fun little meal when i got back and it was nice to have some time to reflect on what an awesome dad i have, and what a wonderful father is to isaac!

ok! back to reality....
i feel inspired by organics now. and maybe a little inspired to cook.
for those of you out there that have grown to love eating organic....please tell me if you feel it's really worth the invested time, energy and MONEY...and what your favorite organic foods are!!!

have a great week!

lots of activity!

2009-06-16T12:08:00.002-04:00

thanks everybody for your kind words about the myriad of health issues i continue to experience...we're taking things one day at a time and continue to trust God's hand in our lives! i did have an appt with a neurologist yesterday who was very positive about my prognosis, and so we will mirror his optimism and continue to live in the moment, rather than all of our "worst-case" fears!

not that i have much time to wallow! things around here are always happening at rapid speeds and i will be the first to say that i feel a million times better now that chad is home. well. now that we're all home! i think isaac is excited too!

on saturday, we had the honor of hosting the portnoys again and in true morgan fashion, threw together a dinner party with a few additional friends as well! Pot Luck!!!! it was a bit crazy having 4 kids that were 2-years old and under, but we managed and had a great time!

abel and isaac watching baby einstein! a lifesaver!

abel just couldn't be left out of the adult conversation :)

chloe was such a polite little dinner guest!

i was able to finally meet Bennett in the flesh! what a precious little boy!

it's always nice to spend time with those friends!!

thanks to emily, we have documentation of isaac with some of his girlfriends, and his bud Luke (born 2 days earlier than him!) we went to a fellow playgroup-mom's house and had a wonderful time! as you can see, Luke lovingly shared his home and toys!!!

that's about all i can manage right now....isaac has decided to ditch his morning nap and is crying in his crib, so i should run! more details soon!!!

xo!

to make a short story much longer....

2009-06-12T10:08:00.005-04:00

if you're a close friend, you may just wanna disregard this entry, as you've pretty much already heard/read what's discussed below. and if that is the case, i want to publicly thank you again for being pillars of strength for me!

****
****

wow.
so.
as you know i had my appt with the Facial Pain specialist wednesday at Johns Hopkins....

i first need to start off by singing my praises about this doctor.
and i first need to express my gratitude to the Lord that i live within driving distance of our nations #1 hospital in the country.

i've NEVER had a doctor email me and ask me to type out my entire medical history before the appt.
i've never had anybody care to know the full picture of my facial pain.
it felt SO good to be heard.

i got there at 4pm yesterday and he had my story printed out...asked me lots of questions about my personal life and was just a REALLY great guy.
he's been working at hopkins for 32 years and solely deals with this sort of thing.

he started by reading back my typed story, asking for me to insert additional things i've recalled or add to it as we went along.
it took an hour.
he cared. validation is HUGE.

the 2nd hour consisted of him diagnosing me, which was much harder to handle.

for starters, i have three different pains that i deal with.
on the right side of my face, i have sharp electrical pains.
left side of my face, more dull, long-lasting pain.
and another part of my face hurts weirdly when i eat.
he said all three pains stood for three distinct problems.

to start, he was most concerned with the electrical shooting pain because it represents nerve damage of some sort. "neuropathic" pain.
he said that with 99% certainty, that is actually Trigeminal Neuralgia. i'm almost classically suffering from it, despite 2 other specialists ruling it out.
this was hard to hear, as this is the sort of pain that means there is a vein wrapped around my trigeminal nerve, causing it to misfire electrical shocks. this is the problem that is ultimately resolved with either:
1) drugging the heck out of me, or
2) brain surgery

i was hoping against hope that this was NOT what i have.
in addition to this stunning news, he said that most people who suffer from this (25,000 cases nationwide, annually), are 50 years old, or older.
and that the concerning part about this is that in cases where young people suffer with this, over 50% of them are a result of Multiple Sclerosis (MS).
it was at this point that i went numb and got a little dizzy. i could feel my face flush and i was in shock.

so for this actual pain, they will start me on a certain drug (Tegretol) that i've heard of. a "dirty drug" he called it. many negative side effects, BUT will "help prove to YOU and to myself that this is indeed what you have."
he said that he just needs me to take it long enough to determine IF it works. once determined, we move into long-term resolution. (drugs or surgery).

the OTHER pains, on the left side of my face are a result of nerve response to a root canal i had a year ago. apparently when nerves are cut, they react by trying to FIND the other end of the nerve that was severed. root canals cut nerves. therefore, SOME root canals result in "Neuromas" when is when the nerve turns in on itself and creates a little ball of hypersensitivity. he said this will be a lifelong pain that usually can only be treated by meds, but it never goes away.

another blow. that sent me into spiraling emotion as well. so he'll add a 2nd drug on top of Tegretol to address that pain, but not at the same time, as to confuse him on which med is actually doing the trick.

the 3rd pain is from a cracked tooth that should resolve by having it removed. the easiest of the three issues to discuss, by far.

he then showed me a slideshow and pointed out the damaged nerve and wants to have me do a 2nd MRI on my brain and cranial nerves to determine where the vein/artery lies that is inflicting damage to the nerve.

******

question/answer with him.

1) why take meds if i'd rather have surgery to permenantly resolve this?
he needs to put me on the meds to see that this IS in fact my problem.

2) why do a 2nd MRI?
he needs to know the MRI was done with the latest and most perfect technology.

3) how can i know if i do, in fact, have MS?
sometimes it won't manifest itself via MRI for a few years. 'no way to know at this point' if your MRI is clear. you may be fine! but over 50% of people diagnosed with this under the age of 50, ultimately do have MS.

4) when do i start the meds?
as soon as he does blood work on me to check the stability of my liver. the meds are so strong that they can actually damage organs, therefore, we must wait to see that my liver is fine. (i'm sure it probably is...)

5) how will i function on these meds? (they're epileptic drugs to slow down the nervous systems responses)
we'll start you out on pediatric doses and work your way up until you have adapted slowly.

6) i do NOT want to be medicated for life! so then what?
once we determine this is what you have and i'm sure as hell certain it is, then we can head to neurology to discuss surgical options.

*****

i may be missing a few pieces of this....as i'm kinda in total shock and disarray at the moment.
i've been on the phone trying to fax medical records, schedule MRIs, and prep for my JULY 2nd surgery for endometriosis through ANOTHER doctor.
i feel overwhelming and discouraged. ugh.

i'm obviously in denial, all while feeling resignation at the same time. if that makes sense.
there is nothing at this point, that i can do about the future, so i try to remind myself that God is sovereign and only gives us what we can bear.

i came home by 8pm that night and actually was fine repeating it all (a bit of a robot by that point) to chad ...as HE was more upset than me.
and then i cried.

i'm also reminded that this is just a diagnosis based on symptoms and we have yet to PROVE it completely. however, it's difficult to deny this doctor's experience.

i've tried to talk myself into being ok with this, for the last few days. fortunately, i've been busy with isaac and other random stuff.
"our earthly bodies are fallen, i am 30, and i'm not above suffering...if this is my reality...i need to be ok with it."

it's just another reminder that we never know what the day will bring or how God will twist and turn the path we walk on....

so without getting overly dramatic about the whole ordeal. here it is.
i've cried.
i've laughed.
i've drained my emotions.
and now i sorta just ....feel.... nothing?

so we'll see. the 2nd MRI and the new meds should be more revealing, i suppose.
just pray for us! :(

i apologize for ending the week on such a bummer note!

but i'm grateful that i can still sit here and type: my life is STILL so full! :)
have a great weekend...

****************

i was on the phone yesterday detailing this story to somebody and i turned around after hanging up and saw this:

all to say, thanks for making it to the end of this long, dragged out entry. ;)